far from home

“So… we need a babysitter.”

Lan Wangji looks up from the book of folk music history in Yunmeng that he is reading and gives Nie Huaisang and Jiang Wanyin a look .

He knows that the statement is less a statement and more a question asking ‘Can you babysit?’ but then there is a bigger question after that.

He pushes down the urge to ask ‘Whose child did you steal?’ as somehow that’s the first thought he had. He also holds himself back from saying ‘It’s not called babysitting when it’s a dog, or a turtle. Please stop being misleading.’

“For whose child?” he asks instead, humoring them. Perhaps it is an actual baby and not just one of their five dozen pets.

“Wei Wuxian.” Jiang Wanyin says.

He must have made a face, because Nie Huaisang quickly waves his fan back and forth. “No, don’t make that face! We mean Wei Wuxian is the child.”

Oh. Okay.

He knew that. Of course he knew that. Still-

“Wei Ying is not a child.” Wangji says, almost offended.

Nie Huaisang laughs awkwardly. “Of course not! It’s just that… he’s kind of in his Genius Inventor Hours again, and he needs looking after when that happens. Yanli-jie is not around. We just need someone to make sure our dear Wei-xiong doesn’t drink more than two rounds of coffee in the span of an hour, because that gives him ideas, and energy to act on those ideas…”

“Without considering if those ideas are good ideas or not.” Jiang Wanyin scoffs.

“Yeah, really, we just don’t want him to accidentally raise the dead or, um…”

“Cause an explosion in the middle of the lake.”

“That.”

Wangji stares.

“There’s been some close calls.” Jiang Wanyin adds, face completely serious. “And just… calls.”

Wangji frowns.

Perhaps the two interpret this as ‘What can’t you two do it?’ because Jiang Wanyin says, “The shelter has a fundraising thing today. We’re needed there.”

Nie Huaisang nods. “Also we haven’t been together in two months, Wangji, we just want to go on one peaceful date without worrying if this is the day Wei Wuxian discovers the secret to immortality at the cost of, I don’t know-”

“-turning everyone’s skin a different color.”

“Oh, God.”

“It’s been known to happen.”

“Not the immortality part.”

“Obviously, just the skin color part.”

Wangji doesn’t even want to know.

Also, it’s weirding him out how they keep finishing each other’s sentences, so Wangji takes a deep breath and closes his book.

“Alright.” he says, hoping he just didn’t doom himself.

.

.

Wei Ying in his ‘Genius Inventor Hours’ is almost like a completely new person. An immovable object. Nie Huaisang and Jiang Wanyin had managed to install Lan Wangji in a low table in Wei Ying’s bedroom, books and tea and snacks and all, and Wei Ying hadn’t even noticed what was happening from where he’s working vigorously at his desk.

(“Wei-xiong?”)

(“…”)

(“WEI WUXIAN.”)

(“…yep. You have reached. Wei Wuxian.”)

(“Wei-xiong, we’re going out now, okay?”)

(“Mm..? Yeah, bye, take care, A-Sang-Wanyin. Bye-bye. Yes. Bye.”)

(“What did you call-…? Ugh. Nevermind.”)

Wei Ying mutters to himself every now and then, but mostly he is hyperfocused on his project, which involved lots of talismans and paint and sharpie and… some black cloth?

Deciding he didn’t want to interrupt what looks like a very delicate process unless necessary, Lan Wangji opens his book again and starts reading, now and then keeping tabs on his busy companion. Wei Ying is in his second mug of coffee. Any more and Wangji was told to cut him off, or… bad things happen, they claimed. Wangji can do that.

After a while, and out of the blue, Wei Ying very loudly says, “Fuck!”

Without thinking about it, Wangji says, “Language.”

Wei Ying jumps and almost falls off his chair when he whirls around to stare at Wangji. “Lan Zhan?! W-What-…? What are you doing?!”

“Reading.” Wangji replies.

“I… I can see that, yeah, but I mean… uh… What are you… doing here?”

“Huaisang and your brother asked me to babysit you.”

Wei Ying gapes at him, and then tiredly runs a hand down his face, leaving an ink smudge on his cheek. “Those two…” he mutters, then only shakes his head and looks at Wangji again. His eyes catch on the half-empty cup of tea. “H-How long have you been there?”

“Two hours.”

“And you just sat there?!”

“Yes. Reading.”

Wei Ying sighs, and for the first time since Wangji arrived, he stands up from his chair and crosses the room, plopping across the table from Wangji. “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan. They really didn’t have to make you do this.”

Lan Wangji shakes his head, looking back down at his book to avoid looking at Wei Ying’s big eyes and ink-smudged cheeks. “I don’t mind. Don’t let me interrupt your work.”

“Ah… my work…” Wei Ying laments, slumping down on the table with a heavy sigh. “Lan Zhan… I’ve failed… I’m stuck… I had this brilliant idea and now I don’t think it’ll work at all…”

Wangji looks at him, frowning. Wei Ying is pouting, absently poking at one of the snacks that Wangji hadn’t touched. “You should keep trying, until it works.”

“I’ve been doing that!” Wei Ying sniffs. “Are you gonna eat this?”

Wangji shakes his head, and watches the other teen grab the snack and eat it. Good. Only drinking coffee while he works couldn’t possibly be good for his health.

As Wei Ying continues to look miserable even while he eats what Wangji knows are some of his favorite snacks, Wangji decides that he too should try harder.

“Can I do anything to help?”

Wei Ying looks at him, blinking big eyes.

Great, now not only does he have ink on his cheeks, he also has crumbs beside his lips. Wangji looks around, spots a box of tissues on the messy desk and stands up himself to retrieve it. He goes back to a still dumbfounded Wei Ying and offers him a tissue.

When Wei Ying just stares at it, Wangji lets out a barely-there sigh and just reaches over to wipe the other’s cheek himself.

That seems to break whatever caffeine-and-depression-induced trance Wei Ying was in, as he finally takes the tissue from Wangji and tries to clean his own face up. “Um… Lan Zhan… can you… can you listen to my idea, and tell me if maybe I might have missed something?”

Wangji eyes the mess on the desk shortly before he looks to Wei Ying again and nods. “I will try to provide insight.”

Wei Ying sends him one of his bright, bright smiles that Wangji really, really hates because it really, really makes him forget whatever he’s supposed to be saying or doing.

Case in point: he didn’t even notice when Wei Ying got up and scooped his equipment from the desk. Wangji only remembers where he is when the items are all dumped unceremoniously in the table between them.

“Okay! So. I had this idea about a cultivation tool…”

.

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> Is Jiang Wanyin with you?

oh my god whos dead

> No one.
> Yet.

WHAT HAPPENED

> I helped Wei Ying finish his project.
> We tested it in the forest. It works.

👀

> It works too well.

oh no

> We have attracted many angry spirits.

ok send us your location
also a-cheng says you’ll never babysit for us again

> That is fair.

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