Laxus hates dealing with the guild kids. Specially his peers’ children, and their equally young friends. He’s not made to deal with lovesick rants, teenage spats, tea parties, or broken crayons.

Teen (13+)
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,925

5 Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children (& the One Time He Gives Up)

Chapter 3
Junior Is Cute in a Jerk Way


“It’s not my fault I inherited dad bein’ rude, right?”

Chapter Notes:

Sorry for the late post. The past few days have been totally busy. I was part of this team for a talent show and we were busy sorting out a presentation (guess what inspired the song-and-dance number from last chapter?) until performance day. Soooo yeah it was a blur of tired days and so.Hey, we won. Yeaaah~Quick age note that I’ll prolly put in every beginning of the chapters for quick reference: Team Natsu and company are around 38 to 39. Older members like Laxus, Mira and others around 41-42. Romeo is 34, Wendy is 32. The little spawns’ (aka kids), as well as new OC guild members’ ages will be revealed as we go along in the story.

With Layla and Brooke on a temporary truce for the ultimate quest for Marygold’s forgiveness, Laxus thought that the worst of it all was over.

Finally, Laxus found himself having a pleasant, kid-free quiet time in the bar, absently making small talk with the other members, ones that were about to go on jobs and ones that just got back.

That was until a familiar pink-haired little girl came rushing inside the guild, keys making jingling sounds as they hung from her waist. Laxus didn’t complain right away. He liked ten year-old Luna Dragneel. Out of the crazy kids of his contemporaries, she was the most level-head. She was behaved and polite and… well, normal.

“Hey, kid.” Laxus said as the girl climbed on a stool in front of him, waiting for her to order some waffles or ice cream or milk, whatever. But what surprised him was that she kept climbing on top of the bar. He let go of the paperwork he was going through to grip the girl’s shoulders as she was about to slip and fall backwards. “Whoa, whoa, kid. What’re you doin’?”

The girl reached out to tug at his shirt. “Good morning, Master! Please hide me!”


“I’ll be good!” the girl promised. “Please let me hide under the table. Thanks!”

Before he could say anything else, she had squirmed out of his grip and slipped under the bar, just beside his legs.

Laxus looked down at her. “Alright, squirt. Who’re you hidin’ from?”

“Onyx.” the girl whispered, hiding further under the table.

Laxus looked at the guild floor. All familiar faces, some kids here and there, but no sign of Metalhead Junior. Yeah, that’s what Laxus called that kid. “He’s not around.”

“He’s looking for me. Please tell ’im you didn’t see me.”

The guild doors opened and when Laxus looked to see who the newcomer was… ah. There you go. Metalhead Junior. That little ten-year old with the unruly blue-black hair and bandana and already three piercings on one ear. Sometimes he could pass as Wendy’s notorious little brother.

Onyx Redfox walked in and looked around, apparently trying to find someone in the crowd. Laxus looked wearily down at the girl who tucked herself neatly beside his legs, then sighed.

“Mornin’, Master.” Onyx greeted. He didn’t sit on the chairs and just looked up at Laxus.

Laxus stared back as blankly as he could. Where did this kid learn to stare like that? Gajeel and Levy can both stare people down, but not in the scary I-Am-Seeing-Your-Greatest-Fears-And-Reading-Your-Mind way-… Oh. Yeah.

Must be Pantherlily’s work here.

Because Laxus was getting uncomfortable, he finally asked, “Anythin’ I can help you with, kid?”

“Have you seen Luna?”


The boy frowned, and then scratched his head awkwardly. “Errr… so, um, if she goes here, couldja tell her somethin’ for me? Couldja tell her—”

Laxus cut him off quickly. “Write it down.”

“No, it’s short—”

“Won’t remember. Write it down.”

But the boy wasn’t the Iron-Dragon-Slayer-in-Training for nothing. He was very hard-headed indeed. “It’s really short. Just tell her that I dunno why she’s upset and whatever I did, I prolly will do it again ’cause I dunno what upset her, so she should just tell me so I know and if I know, I won’t do it again. But I think maybe it’s ’cause I laughed at her when she fell over yesterday but I’m not sure so she shoulda just tell me, really. And, um, Glenn and Ethan wanna train together but if she doesn’t wanna join us, maybe she can just tell me and I’ll tell ’em. Just. Uh, she should talk to me already.”

“That’s not short, kid. Didn’t even remember half of it.”

“Nah, nevermind. Imma go train and be awesome somewhere else. Her loss.” the kid finished smugly.

Then, Laxus watched him go.

Right then and there, Laxus wanted to go call on Levy and ask her if she knew how her son talked to her seniors, but knowing how smitten she is with her husband, Laxus concluded that she probably thinks that her kid was adorable.

In that jerk kind of way. Like his dad.

Hey, at least there was some sort of weird rude apology somewhere in the boy’s message… and Laxus had to admit, the kid’s not as dense as Gajeel. There was Levy’s sincere, sensitive and caring side in place there… but again, displayed in a jerk kind of way. It must be a Redfox thing, doing stuff in a jerk kind of way…

He looked down to see Luna looking at him. “He totally knew you were hiding there, kid.”

The girl pouted. “Dragon smell is soooo unfair.”

Heh. Yeah, it is. From what the girl’s parents had told him, while Igneel and Layla displayed dragon senses really early, Luna had shown no signs of it. But boy, she was able to summon Plue even before she could talk properly. Her elder siblings needed training to do just that, and now they were fifteen and eighteen and still have 1 gold key each. So while Ig and Layla could boast of their heightened senses, Luna can be smug about her celestial spirit mage skills.

Getting back on topic, Laxus told the girl, “Give ‘im some credit, looks like he’s givin’ you space.”

“Still!” she insisted, fuming slightly.

“He’s gone now, I don’t think he’s comin’ back anytime soon. Why don’t you go out of there already?”

Luna sighed and stood up, leaning on the bar beside the blonde before Laxus pulled a chair nearby and she sat on it.

“What can I get you?”

The girl shook her head. “Nah, I’m leavin’ soon. I have training with mom in a few.”

Laxus nodded and resumed his interrupted paperwork. “Whatever, kid. Just keep your promise. Be good.”

“Yes, sir.” Luna answered with a bright smile, contentedly swinging her legs back and forth while she watched the goings on in the guild hall. Beside her, Laxus was going through the paperwork peacefully.

Ah, he had been right not to worry so much about the girl causing a racket. Luna Dragneel has always been the calm one.

After a while of silence, Luna asked. “Master, may I ask a question?”

“Shoot.” Laxus answered, indulging the girl since she asked so politely.

“Am I weak?”

He stopped. He glanced at her and saw that she was fiddling with the hem of her dress.

Okay. Guild master job time. Laxus put his paperwork down and faced the little girl. Yes, he wasn’t a guru of talking to kids, but he’d done his fair share of talking to mages, both young and old, who were feeling down about their abilities. Pep talks were part of the guild master job description.

“What’s your record again? How many keys do you have?” he asked.

“I have my own Plue. Actually two of them. I got them all on my own! And I have one other silver key I got for myself too, and mommy gave me Lyra-chan. And I can summon with all of mom’s gold keys! Though that’s just for practice. But I have Virgo and Sagittarius now. Mommy gave ’em to me for my last birthday and I already have a contract with ’em.”

He couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride welling up in his chest. Say what you will about Laxus, but he could brag about these kids like a doting parent.

He raised a hand, laid it on the girl’s head and ruffled her pink hair. “Look at you, squirt.” he started, smirking. “I betcha your big brother and sister couldn’t do that when they were your age. ’Course you’re not weak. You’re doing great.”

She smiled gingerly, blushing. “N-Not really…”

“No, you are. Ten and with 4 silver and 2 gold keys? That’s a record, right? Who told you otherwise? Is it that iron brat? ’Cause I’m sure you can kick his butt ten ways to Sunday.”

“You… you think so?” the girl blinked. “Onyx is really strong…”

Laxus nodded, giving an air of nonchalance. “Yeah. M’sure he’s got nothin’ on your weird white dog creature—”

“—Plue.” she supplied.

“Plue. Yeah. You got two of those? Sic ‘em on that kid and I’m sure he’s gonna regret ever callin’ you weak.”

Luna giggled. “Thanks, Master… Though Plue really doesn’t attack people…”

“Whatever. You go call him out on his shit. I’m gonna give that kid a nice talking-to if he doesn’t budge.”

The young celestial spirit mage shook her head vigorously. “You don’t have to! Onyx is not always mean to me…”

Laxus raised an eyebrow. “But you said he called you weak.”

“He didn’t. Not really.” she looked down. “But he kinda made me feel like it. Sometimes. Um. Always. But s’okay. I’m feelin’ better now!”

The blonde frowned a bit, slightly confused. But he shrugged that off to nod at the girl. “That’s good, then.”

That was when Lucy came jogging towards the bar. “Luna, baby! I’ve been looking for you! Good thing Glenn-… Ethan-… err, one of the twins told me you were here with Laxus.” — then she looked at Laxus with an amused smile on her face. “Hey, guild master. Holdin’ up alright?”

“No Dragneel or Fullbuster trying to flood, freeze or burn the guild. I’d say it’s a great day.” Laxus answered bluntly.

“We can agree on that one.” Lucy laughed, then turned to her daughter. “Ready for training, sweetie?”

“Yup!” the girl said, smiling brightly. Laxus watched as the girl hopped off her chair and then left with her mother to go train.

That went well, Laxus thought. At least he’s got a better grip on the situation this time. See, Luna really was the most level-head one. That was actually easy, talking to her. It was nice to talk to a kid if they were being reasonable. Not being lovesick, or fighting over a silly thing…

But just as he thought that he was done with the issue, he caught sight of none other than young Onyx Redfox who, like a man on a mission, was heading straight for the bar. This time, the boy sat in the stool directly in front of Laxus.

Laxus never thought that a ten-year old could be so confrontational. Nevertheless, he knew that he was the adult here, so he took the liberty to break the news to the boy. “You just missed Luna, she went with her mom. Training.”

“I know. I heard.” the boy said. “I was hidin’ in that corner. On the wine barrel. The one Cana-san emptied last night.”

Laxus sighed. “Alright, so you probably heard everythin’ she said. What do you still want with me?”

“For the record, I didn’t call her weak.” Onyx continued. “I’ll never do that, m’not a jerk and Luna’s m’best friend. Also I think she’s badass.”

“Good.” the man said, approving. That was a proper response.

Onyx was about to say something else to defend himself but another voice spoke up. “But Onyx-kun is overprotective~”

And then another, almost-the-same voice: “Soooo overprotective it makes Luna-chan upset.”

Very upset.”

“Like I-don’t-want-to-talk-to-you-right-now-Onyx upset!”

Seemingly out of nowhere and in synchronized swift motions, two identical boys hopped on the chairs on either side of Onyx. Both thirteen year-olds had unruly blue hair and matching mischievous smiles.

Laxus rolled his eyes while Onyx groaned miserably.

Erza’s devil spawns have arrived.

“Good day, master!” Glenn-or-Ethan greeted innocently.

“I see Onyx-kun has confided in you about his problems!” the other one followed up. Laxus didn’t bother identifying which was which.

“Luna-chan problems! Although it really saddens us that he didn’t think of coming to confide with us first!”

“After all, we’re teammates, right? Glenn-nii and Ethan-nii are always here to support Onyx-kun!”

“Onyx-kun and Luna-chan are our precious kouhai.”

“We care about our kouhai.”

“Master, you agree that Onyx-kun can trust us, right?”

Laxus still could not fathom how the twins could speak so politely and still piss him off. He also never expected that it was Erza’s sons, of all the kids, who would be the troublemakers of the bunch. While Igneel and Neve generally knew the meaning of discretion and the Brooke-Marygold-Layla trio were the ones to show off in feats of strength, Glenn and Ethan were the ones everyone would automatically hold responsible when a bucket of water falls on someone’s head upon opening a door, when someone slips on an obviously jinxed part of the floor, when Luna cries because she found her Plue in a bikini, when the shy and quiet new recruit is confronted by Team Marygold about love letters he supposedly sent to all three girls, or when Cana shouts to the high heavens demanding why her beer turned to orange juice… or simply when in a guild celebration all the cake goes missing.

They were the resident pranksters and they were REALLY good in a sense that everyone always knew it was their doing but no one ever found any evidence to prove it. Also, they were little perfect angelic sons whenever Erza was around (and both made their mother shed tears of affection when they once got little red temporary tattoos on their face to be awesome like daddy). Rumor has it, though, that they were terrified of their Aunt Meredy.

Anyways, everyone was still wondering whether the boys got their mischievous side from Erza or Jellal or from distant ancestors because HOW.

From all those facts, Laxus thought of the best way to deal with the situation. “You two shut up.”

“But Masteeeeer~!”

There they were, doing puppy eyes and looking very convincingly innocent. But Master, indeed. Master knew better. He looked at Onyx, who had slumped down grudgingly on the bar and was covering his ears while shaking his head. Master would not have this shit right now. Master likes little Luna and these evil twins are distracting him from solving her problem so Master will do what he gotta do.

“Alright.” Laxus said. “Erza’s Evil Spawn A and B, go to the kitchen.”

The twins blinked.

“Fleur’s bakin’ cake. Tell her I ordered you to help.”

They were gone in a flash. Truly, unmistakeably fruits of Erza’s and Jellal’s love. Fleur was good, Laxus trusted her to handle those two.

“Thank you.” Onyx said. “They’re horrible. They always tell me to go and confess to Luna and I dun’ understand. Confess? Why would I tell her I was the one who took Plue’s chain? She’ll get mad at me though I really didn’t mean it ‘cause it was lyin’ on the ground and I didn’t know t’was for her pet so I ate it. Right?”

“I think you’re missing their point, but yeah they’re little shits anyway so don’t listen to them.”

“Yeah!” the boy nodded. “But Luna’s still mad at me.”

“But you swear you didn’t tell her she’s weak? Because that’ll be a really jerk move and she wouldn’t have to ask me to smack you upside the head because I’ll do it myself.”

“I swear I didn’t tell her that!”

“Then what were those evil twins talkin’ about, you getting her upset because you’re overprotective?”

“I’m not overprotective!”

“Really. ‘Cause your dad’s got a track record of tryin’ to disembowel a dude for sayin’ that your mom’s wearin’ a nice dress.”


“Levy stopped him in time ’cause the poor dude actually just also wanted the same dress for himself. That’s the Legend of How Gajeel Redfox Thankfully Didn’t Kill Some Cross-dresser Who Liked His Wife’s Dress.”

“Oh.” — it was obvious that it was the first time the boy heard that particular story.

Laxus simply looked expectantly. “So?”

“…Um-… well, me, Luna and Glenn and Ethan went with Peony on a job… Or just Glenn and Ethan made Peony go with ’em on a job and then asked if me and Luna wanna go too so we did.” the boy started to recall.

“You guys should stop bullying the new girl.” Laxus said, slightly sidetracked.

(Peony was a seventeen year-old new guild member, recruited by (of course) head of the Fairy Tail unofficial charity, Cana Alberona. Peony regularly babysat the kids. And by baby-sitting, that meant she gets dragged after the annoying kids whenever they insist on going on a job by themselves. Laxus has heard from Fleur that young Igneel finds the girl’s awkward love for the children cute… and consequently, Neve had taken to calling the girl a ‘rival’. Neve allegedly insisted that it was ‘rival’ in a sense that the girl was good at elemental magic of the ice/water variety, and of course NOT the ‘love rival’ kind of way. Everyone knew better but just humored the boy. They didn’t want another flood.)

“She volunteers sometimes!” Onyx defended. “But yeah. So job. And then we had to fight. So Peony’s bein’ kickass, and Glenn and Ethan are swording and speedin’ all over the place, and I fought too.”

“And Luna?”

“I told her we got it and she doesn’t have to fight and just stick close to me ‘cause she’s tiny and hates fightin’ anyway and I’ll protect her so she dun’ have to worry. So we finished it and she didn’t hafta fight. That’s okay, right?”

Laxus groaned. “You’re an idiot.”

The kid very obviously didn’t get it. “Whaaaat?”

The guild master sighed. “Let me call someone real quick. She’ll give stellar advise, I tell you.”

Laxus took out a Lacrima communication ball from under the counter and laid it infront of him. He placed a hand on the item and then it glowed until a familiar face was in view.

“M-Mira? Uh, Fleur-chan-?” Levy asked uncertainly, blinking.

“Oi, it’s Laxus.” the guild master answered. “I got a question.”

There was a sound of an explosion and general chaos in the background. “THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT!” Levy shouted — not in anger, but probably to make sure Laxus heard her from his side.

“Huh. You busy?”

She laughed a bit. “Not really, we’re just on the run from some big dangerous monsters right now-… Droy, please stop eating, we’re supposed to be running! — Hey, I’m sorry, what was that? Of course I got time for a chat-!”

Ah, kind and gentle Levy can be sarcastic too, under pressure.

“Yeah, so…” Laxus started, glancing a bit at Onyx, who was looking at him as if he was being very rude. Laxus kinda agreed with the boy. He was asking advice from a woman who was in the middle of running for her life, after all. “If you were on a job and your teammate told you that they’ll do all the work and you shouldn’t do anything, and you’re small so you should just stick to his side—”

“Okay, what did Gajeel do?”

Laxus raised an eyebrow. “Huh, he did that?”

“Yes! I blushed and just stared at him ’cause I thought it was really sweet but looking back, actually it isn’t, I was just surprised-… SOLID SCRIPT: FIRE! —…yes, I was just surprised that he actually cared about me. That was way waaaaay back…”

“I figured.”

“I admit that I was scared so I really really wanted to hear that. But boy, if he told me that if I was in real fighting shape, I’d get really mad. I mean, just ’cause I’m small, doesn’t mean I can’t do anything, you know! That’s just like saying I’m too weak to fight beside him!”


“So what’s this really about?”

“Nothin’, just checkin’ on you guys. Uh, guild master responsibility thing.”


At that, Laxus couldn’t help but chuckle. “Wow. Really big fire, impressive.”

Levy was not impressed with the positive reaction. “We’re in a corner. Sometimes I forget big words. When desperate. Anything else? You can hear our progress well over here, I think.”

“Nothin’ else. Good luck, bring souvenirs.”

“We will!”

The line cut off.

Laxus looked at Onyx. “So?”

The boy said, “Shit. I gotta find Luna.”

“Language.” the guild master half-heartedly scolded, perhaps only out of dull duty because he was so used to Igneel and Fleur chastising their younger friends about their colorful vocabularly. He watched the boy hop off his chair and dash outside.

Before he went out the doors, Onyx looked back at the man. “It’s not my fault I inherited dad bein’ rude, right?”

Laxus chuckled. The boy might look and act like a Redfox through and through, but he’s got McGarden’s wit. “I’ll let you break that to him.”

And the Iron Dragon Slayer-in-training was gone.

Chapter Notes:

Levy surely thinks her husband and son are cute, but don’t worry Laxus, she knows how to put them back to their places.Some note thingies:— Luna (10) is the same Luna-chan from hands. She’s pretty much the guild darling and a stellar mage, pun intended. She’s the girl with big dreams but a level head on her shoulders, very much like her mom. But yo, she will rage like her dad.
— Onyx (10) is a grumpy tsundere Gajeel Jr. and the father-son relationship pretty much mirrors Gajeel’s and Metallicana’s minus the abandonment. At 10, he’s still shorter than Luna (thanks to Levy’s genes), which makes him grumpier… and cuter, given the protectiveness. He’ll be soooo smug when he outgrows her. But will he? 😉
— Glenn and Ethan (13) are the cute well-mannered twins with outstanding talents and then you really get to know them and they’re little shits… still with outstanding talent. Oh well.
— Peony (17) was created because of course we need new recruits and of course the ‘local kids’ would surely bully them. Imagine a bunch of preteens claiming “we’ve been here longer than you so we’re your sempai!” to a seventeen year-old. Yeah.

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