5 Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children (& the One Time He Gives Up)

Because he found himself looking after toddlers.

Toddlers. Who were all named after dead people.

Four year-old Simon and five year-old Mika murdering crayons on paper while three year-old Cornelia kept trying to eat Laxus’ ear. Or finger. Or hair. The little pest kept trying to put things in her mouth while the other two argued on whose turn it is on a color of crayon.

He wished he went on that boring retrieval job with Freed and Bixlow. However boring he thought it was.

What really happened was this: Juvia took a job that specifically requested for a water mage. The job was urgent so Laxus sent for her, and she only agreed after he promised that someone will look after Mika (her youngest) and Cornelia (who was Cana’s, but was left to Juvia for the week the brunette was out of town). Brooke was in bedrest from whatever disaster her team caused the previous day, while her brother made sure she actually stayed in bed, so they couldn’t be expected to babysit the two younger children in their house. Laxus said ‘alright’, that he’d get someone to look after the kids for the day.

He immediately thought of Erza…

But then Erza had to accompany Jellal and Meredy on a hunt for a dodgy dark guild, also leaving young Simon in Laxus’ care.

Lucy, Gray and Natsu were still out of town on a week-long job. Peony got dragged by kids somewhere again. Asa went with Wendy to the next town over to get some medical supplies and for some knowledge-sharing time. Levy, Jet and Droy were still on their way home. Gajeel… well, Laxus had no idea where the man was, but he must be looking after his own kids or something.

Others were also out on jobs and stuff…

‘Ugh.’ was what he mentally concluded, avoiding little Cornelia’s grabby hands from grabbing his nose this time. “Dammit, kid. No. Uh… uh-… Bad. You shouldn’t grab people’s noses like that.”

She didn’t listen, then went for his ear again.

He watched Simon and Mika for a while. Simon looked much like a red-haired Jellal, just with shorter, neater hair (which is going to be a mess in a few, knowing kids), while Mika had wavy blue hair and dark eyes, looking much like her mother. Both kids, thankfully, have stopped fighting over one crayon and were coloring quietly again.

He did what he always saw the women and other expert babysitters do when they babysit kids. “Hey, squirt. I mean, uh, Mika. What’re you drawin’?”

“Rain.”

True enough, she had drawn a pink window with the curtains drawn, and now was focusing on the clouds and raindrops from she no doubt wanted to portray as a view from the window. Laxus was impressed. There was even a small teru teru bozu doll on the windowpane. “Why are you drawing rain?”

“Mika like rain.”

“Really, you do?”

“Mm-hm… pitter-patter, pitter-patter…”

Laxus decided to leave her at that. He then turned to the other kid. “How ’bout you, Simon?”

The kid answered quickly, then pointed at his drawing one by one. “Mommy and Daddy and big bro and big bro…”

“Ah. Good.”

“Then m’gonna draw big sis and me too.”

“Great. Cool.”

“Then m’gonna draw Auntie Mer’dy and Auntie Milli and and and Unc’ Sho and—”

Laxus let the kid enumerate all his loved ones while he looked at the little girl in his arms. Cornelia had grabbed his collar and was trying to pull at his shirt for some reason.

“Kid, no! Bad. No pulling.”

Cornelia looked at him innocently. The little girl had red-gold hair tied on the top of her head with a bright green ribbon, which matched her equally striking green eyes. She barely resembled her adoptive mother. If anything, the girl looked more like Gildarts’ daughter than Cana did.

“What?” he asked suspiciously, letting the little hand stay on his cheek.

“Lashus!” the girl said delightedly, both her hands grabbing the man’s face.

“What-… Lashes?”

“You Lashus.”

His eyes narrowed. “Is… is that supposed to be my name?”

The girl laughed. “LASHUS!”

“Okay. What do you want?”

“Mama!”

“Mama’s out.”

“Mama out?”

“Yeah, away.”

“Mama gone.”

“Yeah, prolly earning jewels, to buy you toys.”

“Mama back?”

“She’ll come back. Tomorrow.”

“Gampa!”

“Gampa’s out with your Mama.”

“Juwi?”

“Juvia had to go—”

“Fur!”

“Fur?”

“Fuuuuurrrrr! Want Fur!” Cornelia repeated, squeezing his face, obviously getting impatient.

“Why do you want fur? Wait, is it fur?”

“Fur!” the girl said, now getting visibly upset. “Fuuuur!”

“What the hell are you-… wait. Fleur?”

“Yah!”

“You want Fleur?”

“FUR!”

He took that as a yes.

All the kids want Fleur. She was their awesome big sister, but only next to Asuka-nee-chan, of course. Before, Asuka had lots of time to spare with the children, but now that she was 24 with a flourishing career and currently one of Fairy Tail’s top assets, she was often busy. That left Fleur and Igneel as next eldest. Thankfully, both were reliable and good influences. Most of the time. Sometimes Fleur had the tendency to mix in with the twins’ pranks, and Igneel himself was a big goofball.

“Fleur’s out.” Laxus said.

The girl pouted, then demanded, “IGNI!”

Great, now he has to say that Igneel’s not around as well. “Igni’s out, too.”

“Gun-nii.”

And now she wants her brother. “Your big bro’s out there somewhere playing with his friends.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Noooo! Gun-niiiii!”

“You’re stuck with me, kid.”

“Poni?”

“Peony’s on a job.”

“Poni gone?”

“Peony’s gone, ye—”

Then he was interrupted when Mika started crying and Simon started yelling.

“W-W-Why d’you broke blue-chan?!”

“I dunno! Don’t mean it!”

“You broke blue-chan! Mika was gunna make clouds and rains and sky!”

“I dun mean it! It just broke!”

Good Mavis they’re fighting over the blue crayon this time, and Laxus saw that the poor blue crayon was indeed broken. No wonder Mika was crying.

Meanwhile Cornelia had tried to eat Laxus’ collar.

“Hey, I said no eating anything!” Laxus scolded, perhaps a wee bit harsher than he intended.

The girl then looked at him with wide eyes, and then burst into tears and wailed loudly.

“Oh god.” Laxus muttered, as he began shaking the girl to soothe her. “Hey, hey I’m sorry, okay. You can eat my shirt again. Yeah, go. Please stop crying.”

She cried even louder, proving that such a feat was possible. HOW DO KIDS DO IT?

“Cor-… I’ll call Peony! Or your brother, or Igni or Fur or whatever just stoppit—”

Then, he felt a tug at his shirt. “Master tell Mika I didn’ broke the blue!” Simon exclaimed, now also starting to cry.

“Hey. Simon. Don’t cry—”

He cried anyway.

Well, Mika cried some more. “Mika was gunna make clouds…! Now Mika can’t make clouds…!”

And it was like a replay of day one, because Simon yelled about water on the guild floor and not knowing how to swim…

…while Mika was flooding the guild with her tears while actually making it SNOW inside the vicinity oh wow that’s definitely new. Juvia and Gray didn’t tell him about this-…

Did they even know?

So Laxus turned to tell Mika to stop crying lest they all drown or freeze, as Simon shouted about protecting his drawings as he shielded the papers from the falling snow… all the while Cornelia was still crying BUT ALSO pulling at Laxus’ collar because the snow on her head was making her uncomfortable.

And then it happened.

Laxus never thought it would happen, but it did.

A familiar rough voice was heard. “Look at it this way, kid. Now that blue-chan’s in two pieces, you and Simon can both have one blue-chan. Right?”

Mika and Simon immediately stopped and looked at the two halves of the blue crayon.

Laxus was saved from terrorizing toddlers by none other than Gajeel Redfox, who was carrying his own six year-old daughter Linnet. Well, more like he had a mini version of his wife riding on his shoulders as he ignored the ankle-deep water on the floor. He quickly put his daughter down to sit on the bar top and Linnet marveled at the falling snow inside the guild.

“Gajeel-san…” Mika sniffed, looking up at the familiar man.

Gajeel leaned down and ruffled the girl’s hair while he laid a hand on young Simon’s head. “Crayons still work even when they’re broken. Lemme.”

Simon handed the two halves of the crayon to the man, then wiped his tear on his sleeve to pay attention.

The iron dragon slayer looked at the crayons shortly and took one. “Mika, you take this one.” Then he peeled the paper wrapping of the other piece before picking up the pencil sharpener lying unused on the table and sharpening the crayon quickly. “Simon, here ’ya go. Then you can use blue-chan at the same time.”

“Really?” Mika asked, then watched as her playmate began coloring again. She smiled when she saw that the crayon was indeed working fine.

The snow stopped.

“Yeah, yeah.” Gajeel said, then got a small towel from his pocket and wiped the girl’s tears. “Now, you kinda made a bit of a mess in the floor. You think you can make the water go away?”

“Sorry.” the girl said, looking down and then raising both hands. She focused hard, pouting as she willed the water to ‘crawl out’ the guild doors. She breathed deeply after. “Is that okay?”

“Good girl.” Gajeel said, patting the girl’s head. Mika giggled, letting the man lift her up, take her seat and then prop her on his lap instead.

Laxus was too dumbfounded that he didn’t even notice that Cornelia had also stopped crying. The three year-old was now laughing because Linnet, sitting cross-legged on the bar, was making funny faces at the younger girl.

Gajeel looked back at him. “Why’re you lookin’ at me like that? ’Ya don’t even know how to solve the broken crayon problem?”

Laxus coughed and avoided the man’s look. “I don’t have kids.”

“Anyone who knows how crayons work would know how to handle that situation.” the raven-head said, expression smug.

“It was snowing and flooding inside the building and someone was trying to eat my shirt. There were three kids cryin’ their eyes out, how am I supposed to know which one to shut up first?”

Gajeel snorted. “Levy calls it ‘grace under pressure’, y’know.”

Laxus groaned. “I don’t care what Levy calls it. This is my fifth day lookin’ after kids that I don’t remember havin’ and-… dammit kid, my ear is not food!”

Gajeel laughed, while Linnet giggled behind her hand. The raven-head explained, “She’s bored.”

“What?” Laxus asked irritably, wiping the drool from his ear and neck.

“Her friends are doin’ somethin’, she’s just watchin’ and they’re too busy to talk to her. She’s not holdin’ or eating anything so she’s tryin’ to find the nearest thing.” Gajeel continued.

“Well, I gave her a spoon and she tried to stab me with it. Almost got me in the eye!”

Gajeel just looked at him pointedly.

“And she doesn’t like me. She’s just asking for different people. Her mom or grandpa or Juvia or her brother and Fur— I mean, Fleur.”

Gajeel sighed. “Just put her down.” He turned to his daughter. “Lin, you wanna show some of your stuff to this kid?”

The girl smiled excitedly, turning to Laxus. “May I?”

“Whatever.” Laxus grumbled, putting Cornelia down on the floor while Linnet grabbed her own piece of paper and a pencil from Mika’s and Simon’s stash. The girl hopped down gracefully from the bar top and then pulled Cornelia to sit on the floor with her.

“’Ya wanna see something cool?” the girl asked.

Cornelia clapped her hands together, pleased. “Lin! Draw!”

Linnet drew a big heart shape on the paper and then put her pencil down. She put her little hands over the shape and bit her lip, trying to focus her magic. After a few seconds, a pink, heart-shaped puff of smoke erupted from the paper. “Ta-da!”

Her audience squealed in delight. “More!”

“Alright, this one’s gonna be cooler!”

Laxus withdrew his gaze from the girls and looked at Gajeel, now entertaining the other two kids as they talked to him about their crayon masterpieces. He even helped Mika draw more teru-teru bozu on the windowpane of her drawing, and pointed out to Simon that he drew his dad’s tattoo on the wrong side of his face.

Damn. Fatherhood changes people.

Finally swallowing his pride, Laxus offered the other man free drinks if he stayed for the afternoon and looked after the kids with him.