matchy-matchy

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Nie Huaisang married Jiang Cheng when they were six.

He wore a clumsily-made flower crown on his head. Jiang Cheng had a plastic sword on his hip.

Wei Ying presided over the ceremony, and all of Huaisang’s favorite stuffed animals were in attendance.

It was Wei Ying’s idea. It always was.

They’ve just watched a movie, where the princess and prince got married and the bishop talked funny and made lots of jokes that the three of them took turns repeating and laughing at. Then Wei Ying said they should do a real wedding.

(Well. As real as it can get in Nie Huaisang’s bedroom anyway.)

Nie Huaisang remembered being flustered, mostly. His groom across from him was frowning.

Despite that, Jiang Cheng had still held Nie Huaisang’s hand when Wei Ying told them to.

(Later, Jiang Cheng would tell him that he was only “frowny” because he was pissed at the fact that he lost rock-paper-scissors to his brother an impressive number of times, rather than the fact that they were getting wed.)

And there they were, Wei Ying using a towel as a cape, while a shy Nie Huaisang held a grumpy Jiang Cheng’s hand.

“Don’t be nervous, A-Sang! Just say ‘I do’!”

“O-okay…”

“Just hurry up and do it already, Wei Ying!”

So Wei Ying recited the movie lines and jokes that made Nie Huaisang laugh again, and after a bit even Jiang Cheng also gave up trying to stay cool and laughed along.

When it came to their line – their only line – Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng were laughing too hard to really mind it when they said, “I do!”

It happened in an instant. There was a sharp sensation on Nie Huaisang’s hand, making him yelp and draw away from Jiang Cheng. It wasn’t painful. It was a sudden warmth – hot enough to feel an alarm, but not enough to really feel a burn. It took him a few seconds to realize that Jiang Cheng had stepped back too, and was also gripping his own hand. His left hand. Just like Huaisang.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What happened?” Wei Ying asked.

Nie Huaisang shook his head. “I don’t know, um… there’s-… my hand-”

He didn’t know how to describe it, not at the time, young as he was, so he just looked down at his hand.

There is something. On his left ring finger, something that wasn’t there before. A drawing? A mark?

Jiang Cheng stepped forward and grabbed his hand, peering closely.

Nie Huaisang blinked at him, and then he looked closer. “A-Cheng, you have one too?”

Jiang Cheng looked back at him, confused.

“What’s that? Let me see, let me see!” Wei Ying said, squeezing in between them to look too. “Ohhh… where’d you get those? Did you guys draw ‘em? I want one too!”

That’s when the door opened, and Jiang Yanli took a peek inside the room. “Boys! We made some snacks if you want-”

She was interrupted by three tiny voices crying.

“Jiejie, look! Look! A-Cheng and A-Sang drew on their hands!”

“No, we didn’t do anything!”

“It just appeared! I swear!”

Jiang Yanli smiled, used to their antics and assuming that it’s just another one of Wei Ying’s pranks. She started to giggle but then she noticed the other two’s genuine distress. “Oh, dear, what is it?”

She walked over to look at the boys’ hands and gasped at what she saw.

“T-These are-… oh, my!” She laughed in delight, squeezing both boys’ hands in hers. She was smiling an excited smile as she pulled them to her. “A-Cheng, A-Sang, we will go downstairs and show these to our parents, okay?”

Nie Huaisang looked like he was going to cry, while Jiang Cheng looked at his sister, suddenly more scared than confused. “Are-… are we in trouble?”

“No, no, you are not in trouble!” Jiang Yanli said, stroking her brother’s hair with one hand before proceeding to pat Nie Huaisang’s arm. “In fact, this is the most wonderful news!”

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng got their matching soul marks when they were six.

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Nie Huaisang has been waiting for a while.

It’s been an hour or two since he felt the pull from the bond, an emotion at the back of his head that was as familiar as it was foreign. It was something his subconscious knew was not his own, but he felt it as clearly as if it was.

When it came, he had picked up his phone and waited only for a moment before sending a message.

‘are you ok?’

The reply was instant.

‘i’m coming over later’

It wasn’t a question or a request, but a heads-up. And it wasn’t an answer to Huaisang’s question either, but at the same time it was.

His soulmate is not okay.

So he’s waiting, hoping that ‘later’ meant ‘soon’. He picks his magazine back up and goes back to his reading, trying not to pick up his phone, not to ask ‘are you on your way yet?’, because he knows that would only serve to smother Jiang Cheng. And Nie Huaisang never liked feeling Jiang Cheng’s reactions to that.

With how their bond worked, he is sure Jiang Cheng is already feeling his anxiety and worry. So Nie Huaisang tries to calm his thoughts, not to feel too much. He doesn’t want to add to whatever his soulmate is already going through at that moment.

Nie Huaisang drops his magazine beside him and rolls over on the bed until he can smush his face into something – a pillow. A plushie. A lump of blanket. He groans into it, impatient, frustrated.

Geez, why don’t they have a cooler soulmate thing? They could have maybe matching sensations, or share what they see, or what they hear, or even telepathy!

But nope, they had to get the empathy thing. Nie Huaisang is sure the empathy thing is a wonderful gift for some people. You meet someone, fall in love, discover you are soulmates, meant to be – and suddenly you are connected like this. You get to tune in on your soulmate’s emotions, check up on them and always know how they’re doing. Doesn’t that sound great? Very romantic!

But for Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng, it came with… challenges. They got stuck with such a strong, constant link when they were only six, when everything was new and so easily overwhelming.

Now they are sixteen. Sixteen sucks, emotion-wise. Jiang Cheng is quick-tempered and can get into fits of anger. Nie Huaisang is anxious and can be quick to get jittery. And they don’t know if it’s a result of growing up constantly emotionally-connected to another person, or if it’s just a teenager thing, but they are both prone to overthinking what others think or feel about them.

Combined, if they’re not careful enough, they can be a… bad combination, even on their better days.

Soon he grows too restless to keep reading, so he goes downstairs, deciding to get a snack. His da-ge isn’t home yet, he won’t be for a few more hours. Nie Huaisang has the house to himself.

He is in the middle of picking between two flavors of ice cream when he hears the doorbell.

Oh, good. Ice cream canceled. Dinner saved.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t say anything when Nie Huaisang opens the door. He just… shrugs. Because what else is there to say? Then Nie Huaisang sees puffy eyes and a reddish nose, and he knows. Jiang Cheng is not crying now. He wasn’t crying earlier. He did almost cry on the way here though.

“Hi.” Nie Huaisang says, attempting a small smile.

“Hi.” Jiang Cheng replies, looking down, and that gives him away, as Nie Huaisang catches how he awkwardly tucks his hands into his hoodie pocket.

Nie Huaisang moves quickly – “No. What’s that?” He grabs Jiang Cheng’s wrists and pulls his hands free from the pocket. His left hand looks normal. His right, however…

Nie Huaisang frowns as he sees the bruises on Jiang Cheng’s knuckles. He almost snaps – What is this? What did you do? What happened? – but then he feels the guilt bloom in his chest – in Jiang Cheng’s chest – and he drops the worried anger.

He simply pulls the other boy inside the house, and as soon as the door closes behind them, Nie Huaisang throws his arms around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders and holds onto him tight.

Jiang Cheng melts into him – not quite hugging back, just leaning down, hunched over to let himself be held, burrowing his face in Nie Huaisang’s shoulder. Nie Huaisang squeezes tighter – or he tries to, as if he can physically absorb the pain, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, because he feels all that from their bond – an overwhelming amount of it – and he can’t help but feel hurt that his soulmate is hurt.

Nie Huaisang’s chest feels tight, and tears begin to well up in his eyes.

Oh. Oh, no. This is bad. This is very bad, he forgot to brace himself, and they can’t both break at the same time-

“Shit.” Jiang Cheng mumbles, voice gravelly – as if fighting through something. He must have realized, too. Nie Huaisang feels him fight through the amplified emotions, feels how difficult it is to pull away, even slightly, even if it’s just to look at Nie Huaisang and cup his face.

Nie Huaisang knows he is crying now. No warning, no build up. There are just tears flowing from his eyes. He knows it’s not his tears, not really – it’s Jiang Cheng’s.

He knows it’s bad when it gets like this. One of them is supposed to stay calm. They should be able to control this better. They’re sixteen now. They’re not six, new to foreign emotions, feeling everything together and destabilizing each other. They should be better at this. They should be used to it. They were sent to therapy for this-

“A-Sang. Sorry.” Jiang Cheng says, wiping his tears for him. “Hey. Don’t cry. This one’s mine, okay? Breathe.”

Nie Huaisang sniffs, gingerly drawing back, hands finding shaky purchase grabbing onto Jiang Cheng’s hoodie. He takes a deep breath as the other clumsily dabs at his wet cheeks. “I’m fine… I’m fine. I was just-” Without any force behind it whatsoever, he pounds a weak fist against Jiang Cheng’s chest. “You’re so upset. Why?”

Jiang Cheng shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. Sorry I passed all that to you.”

“It matters! You were so sad I forgot to stay cool! Now I’m crying!” Nie Huaisang pouts, but he can breathe easier now, and he feels something new on top of Jiang Cheng’s previous heavy, heavy sadness. Worry. Jiang Cheng is worried about him now, and he’s feeling guilty, and that’s making him temporarily forget the horrible, terrible, overwhelming ball of negativity he came in with earlier.

“Sorry.” Jiang Cheng says again. This time, as Nie Huaisang slowly transitions from actively crying to quieter weak sniffles, he’s the one who pulls him in, rubbing his back.

Nie Huaisang only lets out an inaudible groan, face buried in his soulmate’s soft, comfy hoodie. He focuses on his breathing, like they practiced. Like he should have done much sooner.

Jiang Cheng sways them slightly, as if he is holding a baby. “You can’t always cry everytime I feel shitty. I came to tell you I’m okay.”

“But you’re not. Stop lying.” Nie Huaisang says, looking up to answer him. He peers at Jiang Cheng’s face, and raises a still lightly trembling hand to Jiang Cheng’s cheek, wiping at tears that weren’t allowed out. “You were feeling so bad, just now. It just… hit me.”

Nie Huaisang would never get used to it, just suddenly feeling such heavy, clawing, negative emotions, and knowing he’s helpless against it, because they aren’t his in the first place. It feels like falling into freezing water, and drowning in it.

“I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Jiang Cheng sighs. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come over-”

Nie Huaisang frowns in disapproval. “And what, just let me feel all that from afar, by myself? Leave me worried for you? That’s worse.”

And that’s it, isn’t it? That’s why the whole empathy thing is so… inconvenient.

Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath – in, out, in, out – and Nie Huaisang recognizes that he is trying to stay composed, because they’re both feeling raw and overwhelmed.

This doesn’t always happen – it has happened less and less over the years as they grew up and learned how to control their feelings better with regular therapy and lessons. But on the times that they lose control, they tend to clash – and it would be no problem if these were happy, positive feelings… but it’s a tiring, taxing experience to feel anger and hurt, twice over.

Nie Huaisang finally steps back. He sniffs. “We’re still on the doorway.”

Jiang Cheng finds it in himself to chuckle. “Yeah. This is embarrassing.”

Nie Huaisang laughs, light and shaky but real. He knows Jiang Cheng feels him lighten up a bit, because Jiang Cheng looks like he’s breathing easier now.

“I have to wash my face.” Nie Huaisang decides, turning back and heading inside the house, to where the bathroom is. “I won’t be kissed while I’m snotty.”

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow. “We’re kissing?”

Nie Huaisang turns to him and gives him a pout. “You made me cry, A-Cheng! You have to make it up to me.”

Jiang Cheng looks at him, and through the bond he feels a pull – gentle, careful, worried, yearning. They feel like little sparks, then like a match finally lighting up, he feels pure, open affection. It’s a simple, familiar feeling. And it’s almost enough to make him forget the other, heavier ones he’d been carrying when he came.

“Alright, I guess.” he says, and this time the pull he feels is Nie Huaisang’s hand in his.

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Jiang Cheng first kissed Nie Huaisang when they were thirteen.

He had been trying to get used to getting “fluffy” feelings from Nie Huaisang, through their bond. It could be from a crush, from a comic or book he read, or from a show or movie he just watched. Nie Huaisang just loved that stuff, and he always put his heart on them.

Jiang Cheng hated it at first – “fluffy” feelings are so distracting. He’ll be studying or focusing on something, and then he’ll suddenly feel all warm and gooey and fluttery and he doesnt know why, but he knows where it’s coming from.

But Nie Huaisang really liked them, and the love story stuff always makes him so happy (though sad at times too, when the story doesn’t get a happy ending) – and Jiang Cheng would feel like a jerk if he resents his soulmate being happy. He liked feeling Nie Huaisang happy. So he simply tried to get used to it.

“A-Sang, what is happening. Why do I feel like running around the room and screaming into my pillow?”

“A-Cheng, they kissed! Finally! After 387 chapters! Can you believe?!”

“Ah. Good for them.”

The therapy helped. The stuff they learn from it. Jiang Cheng is always glad they got lessons for this.

It had been a rough, confusing time when their link first began manifesting in earnest. Two very young boys who suddenly had to deal with an extra set of emotions? The strain of a bond like theirs has been known to cause emotional instability… unhealthy co-dependence… toxic relationships… even to soulmates who get bonded as adults. So they had to be guided early on about how to deal with their shared emotions better, how to set boundaries, how to separate from each other… all easier said than done because they are literally, emotionally connected, all the time.

But they’d had practice, and they’re not as young now, so with Nie Huaisang obsessing over things that gave him “butterflies”, there came Jiang Cheng learning how to gently shoo said butterflies away so they are not as distracting to him.

Until the butterflies… changed, just a bit. He doesn’t know how to describe it – it had always been difficult describing specific emotions from the other side of the bond. He just knows them, what they are, on instinct.

Until Jiang Cheng noticed when Nie Huaisang’s “fluffy” feelings started popping up not just while he was reading his sappy romance stories, but also when he’s just… with Jiang Cheng. When Jiang Cheng made a funny face. When Jiang Cheng was helping him with homework. When Jiang Cheng hugged him after he had a fight with Da-ge. When Jiang Cheng thanked him for cheering him up after something his mother said really upset him.

Jiang Cheng didn’t really need Nie Huaisang to tell him, at that point. But he thought he’d wait, because he didn’t know how to… ask. He didn’t have to wait long. Not like they could keep anything from each other for long, anyway.

Nie Huaisang confessed – or more like, Nie Huaisang asked, one quiet summer afternoon, hanging out in the Jiangs’ backyard, waiting for Wei Ying who had run out to buy ice cream as punishment for losing a game.

“A-Cheng, you’d tell me if I was sending you anything… weird, right?” Nie Huaisang asked, and when Jiang Cheng looked over to him, he was fiddling with the paper fan he had been using to cool himself.

Jiang Cheng felt how nervous he was, how awkward, how hesitant. “Weird?”

“Like… um. I don’t know…” – he was scared, just a little, but also a little hopeful. “But if I was really… bothering you, or if you don’t like it, you’d tell me, right?”

Jiang Cheng thought that he had been doing that, already. He always did that. They even fought over it, in the early days.

“I guess so.” he said, then he tried to send his own feelings back through the bond. Just a little nudge of reassurance. Because he didn’t like that Nie Huaisang was feeling scared. “What are you really saying?”

Nie Huaisang looked down, clutching the paper fan in his hands. “You already know. I’m bad at hiding. But you don’t feel the same, do you?”

Jiang Cheng had felt Nie Huaisang’s heart break, and then his own followed right after. It was such a strange mix of intense sadness and calm acceptance, both buried under longing and shame and confusion, and it took him so off-guard – he forgot to filter his own emotions.

He was not sure what Nie Huaisang felt from him then, but he looked up in surprise, and shook his head. “A-Cheng, it’s okay, I’m not really hoping for-”

Oh, but he was. Jiang Cheng had felt it, every single time, with the flutters. Hope. Longing. Nie Huaisang was always hoping that just once, he’ll recognize the same feelings come from Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng frowned, because he didn’t like… all this. How sad Nie Huaisang is, how ashamed he felt, admitting to something that he had been holding close to his chest as long as he can.

So he kissed Nie Huaisang. It was a kiss on the cheek, which made Nie Huaisang yelp because Jiang Cheng had cold lips from the slices of watermelon they’d just shared.

“A-A-Cheng-” Nie Huaisang blinked, cheeks heating up. “What-”

Jiang Cheng looked away. “It doesn’t bother me. I don’t hate it.” he said, stubborn, almost daring his soulmate to check that he’s not lying. He literally can’t, not with how they worked. “I just… I haven’t though about… those things.”

Nie Huaisang was quiet for a moment. “I see. Okay.” he mumbled in a small voice. He hugged his knees to his chest and curled in on himself, cheeks still red.

Jiang Cheng felt relief. Nie Huaisang isn’t all nervous and upset anymore. He was feeling better. He was feeling happier. Hopeful.

Wait.

Too hopeful.

Too happy. Too giddy-

“A-Sang. Stop it.” Jiang Cheng squirms, as his head is bombarded with happy. With hope. A big ball of fluttery, gooey, tingly positive feelings- “You feel too-… much.”

“Sorry! I don’t know, I can’t help it! You- I don’t know!” Nie Huaisang whines, then hides his face in his hands. “Ahhhhhh~ Why would you do that? I like you! You can’t do that and expect me not to feel anything-”

“Stop freaking out! You’re making me freak out!”

“You kissed me!”

“On the cheek! I was trying to be nice! You were so sad and it was my fault!”

“Still! I can’t!” Nie Huaisang was almost crying, and Jiang Cheng could feel how flustered he is. “M-Maybe I should go home–”

“No. That’s worse. Then I won’t know what you’re freaking out about!”

“It is your fault!”

“Sorry!” he said, on instinct. Now he was also getting flustered. He hated it. It made him not think and just blurt out, “What, do I just kiss you for real?!”

“No!” Nie Huaisang squeals, backing away. “Y-You can’t! I mean- It’s not like I-… But you shouldn’t-”

Ah, there was so much hope. So much yearning. It was so… much. Jiang Cheng was getting embarrassed. He didn’t deserve that kind of… of affection? Why does Nie Huaisang like him in the first place? He was grumpy and not as fun as Wei Ying and not as nice as Jiejie and not as cool as Da-ge and not as charming as Nie Huaisang. Didn’t Nie Huaisang always complain whenever Jiang Cheng unintentionally made him angry or sad too?

Nie Huaisang must have felt that sudden low, because he panics even more, and starts babbling.

“A-Cheng, I just mean-… Please don’t be mad! Okay, I know you’re not mad. I was just- I-… I like you, but I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do-”

Their stupid, inconvenient, soul bond is an echo chamber, Jiang Cheng knows, but specially when they panic. Sadness, they can bottle up. Happiness, they can laugh off. Fear, they can breathe through. Straight up panic? That just goes flying off the wall and bouncing everywhere.

Where is Wei Ying? They need an intervention!

Jiang Cheng hadn’t really meant to threaten to kiss Nie Huaisang, not really, but dammit, now that was all he could think about. He never thought of that before, at all. But now that was out there, as like, an option. Nie Huaisang believed he doesn’t want to do it. Jiang Cheng was not sure what he felt about it, but-

“What if I want to?” he shot back, just to argue, because that is always the best way to interrupt Nie Huaisang.

“Y-You-?” Nie Huaisang blinked, once, twice, cheeks still so, so red. “I thought you don’t-…?”

Oh, no. Now Jiang Cheng was thinking seriously about it. Why. Was it just because he could feel how much Nie Huaisang hoped for it but was trying very hard to holding himself back for Jiang Cheng?

Jiang Cheng made up his mind, then. Whatever. It’s one kiss. Nie Huaisang liked reading about them. They can agree to forget about it afterwards if it turned out terribly.

He surged forward, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against Nie Huaisang’s, who lets out a muffled yelp at the sudden action.

Yeah. It was terrible.

Jiang Cheng had gone in too quick and knocked their foreheads and noses on each other. It was… a kiss, though. Technically. They lasted exactly three seconds.

Nie Huaisang drew away first, rubbing his forehead. “I thought you were gonna headbutt me.” he was pouting, but his other hand was clutching on to Jiang Cheng’s shirt. He hadn’t moved away though, and was just looking shyly at him.

“Yeah, my bad.” ​Jiang Cheng said, easing closer to face him properly. This time, he moved slower, more careful. He tilted his head a bit so they don’t smush their noses together, and he didn’t lean in until Nie Huaisang closed his eyes and tugged him closer.

It was better than the first one, but still awkward, clumsy, new.

But it was also quiet. Somehow, in his head, it was just… quiet, for just a few sweet seconds. When was the last time they were this quiet?

Then he felt the familiar presence of Nie Huaisang from the other end of their bond, still there, warm, surprised, happy, relieved – it almost felt like a sigh.

When they part again, he recognized the familiar fluttery, affectionate warmth he always felt from Nie Huaisang, only stronger this time. Then he felt it again, as if doubled, and for a moment he wondered if that was still Nie Huaisang, projecting again, until he realized that it was so loud – the flutters, the butterflies – because they were his.

“Huh.” he mumbled, raising a hand to cup Nie Huaisang’s face. “That’s what it’s like.”

Nie Huaisang blinked at him. “What?” Then he must have felt what Jiang Cheng was feeling, finally, because he let out a soft gasp, before laughing a light, relieved laugh. “A-Cheng?”

Jiang Cheng squirmed slightly, because Nie Huaisang is too happy again, too giddy, too hopeful, too loving – and he can feel all that too – only this time, not second-hand.

“Ugh.” he scrunched up his face. “How do you live like this?”

Nie Huaisang laughed. Jiang Cheng had never felt him so happy.

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Jiang Cheng was fourteen when he first tried to rationalize that maybe he doesn’t exactly work the same way other boys his age did.

He didn’t have crushes like theirs. He didn’t get attracted to pretty faces at first sight, though he did know what pretty looks like. He couldn’t for the life of him tell them what his “type” was. He was just… not in tune with any of that.

He wasn’t sure why. Maybe it’s just that he had known who his soulmate is at such a young age that the never bothered to look elsewhere or examine further. After all, you already have the person who is literally half of your soul – why would you consider anyone else?

But then Jiang Cheng thought about platonic soul bonds. His own with Nie Huaisang isn’t a platonic one, as they had been realizing for the past year, but he knew that those people sometimes had partners other than their soulmate. They are more infrequent, but not unheard of.

So then he thought, maybe it’s not the soulmate thing. Nie Huaisang had no problem talking about his crushes, growing up. Even now when he and Jiang Cheng are together together, he still had crushes. If only to make Jiang Cheng scowl. He could always talk about the romance stuff so freely.

It wasn’t like Jiang Cheng didn’t understand those things. He knew them, how they were supposed to make someone feel, even though he usually only ever got the emotions second-hand.

Besides, he already had Nie Huaisang… He didn’t need shallow crushes and getting distracted by attractive people. He already knew who he liked. He didn’t want to call Nie Huaisang a “type” – because it wasn’t like he looked at other people who shared something similar with his soulmate, and thought “Yes, that works for me.”

As screwed up and confused as their soul bond can get them feeling sometimes, maybe Jiang Cheng feeling out of place and not quite “normal” isn’t from the soulmate thing.

Maybe it was just Jiang Cheng.

Yeah, maybe that is it. He just… worked differently.

Of course he told Nie Huaisang this, after his soulmate barged in his room, complaining that Jiang Cheng was feeling “so confused and muddled and dizzy, it’s giving me a headache!”

Jiang Cheng almost regretted it, when he felt Nie Huaisang’s tinge of hurt and doubt after he told him the whole thing.

Nie Huaisang had looked dejected then.

“D-Does that mean you don’t really like it when we kiss?”

“No, I do.” Jiang Cheng was quick to reassure him, but what follows next is much slower, less eloquent, because that is the part which made him so confused in the first place.

“I mean, I don’t always… I don’t really get the… I never really feel like I want it, but I can tell when you do. And i-it’s… nice…? When we’re doing it together. ‘Cause… you like it. And I can feel that.”

“Oh.” Nie Huaisang blinked, and then after a moment, he let out a little laugh. “A-Cheng, you’re blushing…?”

“S-Shut up!”

“Ah, you feel so fluttery! How cute!”

“Stop feeling so-… so happy! It’s distracting!”

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Now Jiang Cheng is sixteen and it’s not that far off from fourteen, but he’s on a better, simpler, less confused place on the attraction thing nowadays.

It might still change someday, when he gets to try new things, or goes to new places, meets more people, but for now, he’s happy with this: he doesn’t have crushes like everyone else’s. He doesn’t have a “type” he can name. That’s all. No big.

He does like Nie Huaisang, and kissing Nie Huaisang.

Maybe it has to do with how much Nie Huaisang enjoys being kissed, and how Jiang Cheng can literally feel it in real-time, close and fluttery and warm and safe and affectionate. He likes being the reason Nie Huaisang feels all that.

Nie Huaisang particularly prefers lying back into his fluffy pillows and being kissed breathless. That works for Jiang Cheng, because Nie Huaisang is soft, and his bed is also very soft – with the fluffiest pillows, and somehow even fluffier plushies. It’s like a nest, almost. Jiang Cheng likes the comfort of being curled up together in it.

He’s in the middle of “making up” to Nie Huaisang, exchanging light, playful kisses that he can tell are being very much appreciated, when he feels sudden dread, just as Nie Huaisang stops his next kiss.

“Wait, A-Cheng-”

Jiang Cheng blinks. “What is it, are you okay?”

Nie Huaisang nods, then squirms slightly. His hand unfurls from Jiang Cheng’s shirt to instead reach for his phone on the bedside table. “Ah… I have to tell da-ge you’re here! I forgot…”

Jiang Cheng curses. “Ah, shit. Me too.”

He goes to search for his phone, buried under Nie Huaisang’s pool of plushie bed companions. He finds it, and then freezes as soon as it came time to pick who to send a message to.

Nie Huaisang must have felt his apprehension, because he looks up from his texting to look at Jiang Cheng. “A-Cheng?”

“I’m fine.” Jiang Cheng reassures him, pursing his lips as he looks at his phone. “I just can’t… deal with mother. Not right now.”

Nie Huaisang nods. “Is that why you were very upset earlier?”

Jiang Cheng sighs, takes a deep breath and tries not to summon up another horrible ball of negative emotion. He practically plops on top of Nie Huaisang like a weighted blanket and just… stays there. “I don’t wanna talk about it… Not right now.”

Nie Huaisang runs his hands through Jiang Cheng’s hair, humming thoughtfully. “Hmm… and your hand?”

“I punched something. I don’t remember.”

“You have to stop punching random stuff. Or at least get something meant for punching so you can punch it when you need something to punch.”

“…I guess.”

They breathe together, quiet, emotions settling slowly.

After a while, Nie Huaisang says, “Maybe tell Wei Ying? It’s okay if it’s him, right?”

“Y-Yeah. Right.”

So he texts Wei Ying that he’s at Nie Huaisang’s.

It was a rule Jiang Cheng’s parents and Nie Huaisang’s da-ge had set, around the time Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng hit puberty. They’re not forbidden from seeing each other, but they have to let someone in the family know when they’re together, specially if they’ll be alone together.

Most people who get soul marks get theirs during their late teens to adulthood. There was no proven science to it, just numbers and lots of theories. So most people who get bonded just… learn to adjust, no problem. Not as easy for two kids though.

One of the “perks” of having a soulmate as early as six years old. Other things had to be done early too. Like the therapy and lessons.

Jiang Cheng wants to laugh about it – his parents did send him to therapy to better deal with his harmless childhood best friend being his soulmate, and yet they hadn’t once thought of consulting about how they’ve raised him. Great. And now he’s bitter. He doesn’t want to be, but he is.

“Ah, the mood’s ruined.” Nie Huaisang says with a resigned sigh, because of course he felt that. But his tone is light, joking. “I hate it when my A-Cheng is upset.”

“I’ll be fine.” Jiang Cheng grumbles. As if to prove a point, he drops a kiss to the crook of Nie Huaisang’s neck, then another, and another, making Nie Huaisang laugh, feeling tickled.

Then Nie Huaisang’s phone chimes, a reply from his brother. He withdraws from Jiang Cheng slightly so he can read – “Da-ge is asking what we’re doing.”

Jiang Cheng pauses in the middle of nuzzling his soulmate’s neck. “Uh.”

Nie Huaisang, because he’s a younger brother, grins mischievously as he goes to reply. He is mumbling the words as he types, “We are… having sex, da-ge. Lots of sex… everywhere in the house. Many… sex.”

Jiang Cheng snorts. “He’ll kill you.”

“No, he’ll kill you. For corrupting me.”

“You’re the one who asks to be kissed.”

“It’s my word against yours, though.”

Jiang Cheng thinks it is a miracle that Nie Mingjue is allowing a “punk” like him to be with his precious baby brother at all, really.

But all that said, the man had been the one who insisted that Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang be given “The Talk” early too. It was a harrowing experience, but looking back at it, Jiang Cheng thinks the adults in their life did make the right call with that one.

Learning things early meant he and Nie Huaisang had not been so clueless when they first started kissing. And that Jiang Cheng had felt comfortable telling Nie Huaisang that that’s where he wants to stay right now. And Nie Huaisang had taken that in stride, had shyly confessed that there are things he wants to try, but not yet, not until they feel ready for them, or not at all if Jiang Cheng isn’t up for it.

Another chime. Nie Huaisang checks his phone. Jiang Cheng hears his soulmate’s laugh, sees his eyes twinkle, and at the pull of their bond, he feels delight, happiness, affection.

“Da-ge says he’ll kill us both.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

Yet another chime, then Nie Huaisang reads – “He says use protection.” That one makes him squirm. “Ahhh- Ewww, da-ge! Ew! Don’t just be okay with that! I’m still a baby!”

And here goes one of Jiang Cheng’s least favorite feelings: embarrassment – first-hand and second-hand. “Tell him I choose death.”

Nie Huaisang is giggling as he sends whatever his reply is to Nie Mingjue. The message looks long. Jiang Cheng, deciding that maybe Nie Huaisang needs a bit of space for this, eases off from on top of him and just settles beside him on the bed.

Out of nothing else to do, he slings an arm across Nie Huaisang’s waist and contents himself with snuggling close.

He is almost drifting off to sleep when he feels Nie Huaisang tug lightly at his sleeve.

“A-Cheng, do you mean it?”

“Hm?”

“You choose death?”

“I was kidding, idiot.” Jiang Cheng pulls his soulmate closer. “I don’t know what I want, yet. That’s all.” His hand finds Nie Huaisang’s, and he twines their fingers together. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” Nie Huaisang answers, squeezing his hand. “As long as you still like me.”

Jiang Cheng huffs. “I have to like you. You’re literally in my head. Like, all the time. We are stuck.”

“A-Cheng…” Nie Huaisang whines, but not for long.

Jiang Cheng won’t let him be miserable. Too much trouble.

Nie Huaisang feels the tug of their bond, and the feeling that accompanies it is a gentle warmth, slowly blooming from the center of his chest, until he feels like he’s about to burst. But unlike earlier, he doesn’t find the need to burst into tears. He just… curls around the emotion, cradling it at the back of his mind.

“I haven’t really thought about the other stuff. But if you want those, I want you to tell me.” Jiang Cheng says, steady and true, feeling how Nie Huaisang had accepted what he had just given.

Nie Huaisang shifts to face him, and he smiles as he says, “Okay.”

“Don’t worry, I like my head better with you in it.”

“You do?” Nie Huaisang feels a flutter of affection, and certainty.

Jiang Cheng raises their linked hands and Nie Huaisang’s eyes are drawn to the matching marks, wrapped around their fingers like a ring. Jiang Cheng presses a kiss to Nie Huaisang’s knuckle, right above where his soul mark faintly shines.

“I do.”

.

.

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fin.