5 Times Laxus Tries to Deal with Children (& the One Time He Gives Up)

The night of the third day, Laxus concluded that yes, it was nice to see and talk to budding young mages in-training, but they were teens and preteens and for some reason they were always upset at something or mad at each other or acting stupid… and that part is not nice at all.

And yes, he knew that he was acting like a grumpy old man (because all of Fairy Tail knows that Laxus Dreyar wasn’t the most responsible teenage mage himself back in the day). Freed even pointed this out.

“Laxus, you’re already sleeping? It’s like… 9 o’clock.” the rune mage remarked, entering their bedroom after coming home from a week-long solo mission. It was unusual to see Laxus already asleep so early… and even more unusual to see him in a blanket cocoon.

“I woke up at five. Have some fucking mercy.” Laxus groaned from under the haven of the covers.

“Oh, you helped at the bar?”

“I ran it.”

“Okay… tough day?”

Laxus peeked his head out from the blankets to look at the other man. “Days.”

Freed blinked, slipping off his coat and boots and sitting on a bed. “Tough days.” he repeated.

“Yeah.” Boy, Laxus made a HUGE blanket cocoon. It was both weird and unexpectedly cute. Also maybe scary. “In the course of three days, I had to deal with Icepick Junior flood the guild in lovesick tantrums, and Mary walking out on her team, and Mini Gajeel having no idea how much of a jerk he was bein’ until his own mom laid everything down on the table… while slayin’ some monster; who ever said that Team Shadow Gear was weak?”

“O… kay?”

“—and to top that all off, that very same afternoon — THIS AFTERNOON — there was an explosion in the kitchen.”

“W-What?”

“Fleur and the twins barely escaped, and all three of ’em were covered in flour and frosting.”

Freed look at him disbelievingly. “What the heck happened?”

“That’s exactly what I said, ‘cept I prolly replaced ’heck’ with ‘fuck’. To hell with watchin’ my language, those little pests made my kitchen explode. And ’ya know what they said?”

---

“We didn’t know, swear!”

“We were just mixing some stuff—”

“—for the cake batter!”

The three stepped back when lightning crackled around the guild master’s head. “Mixing-… THE OVEN EXPLODED.”

They just smiled innocently.

If he didn’t know better, Laxus would’ve fallen for the act. Instead, he just gave up and grounded the twins from the kitchen and Fleur from baking.

---

Freed didn’t know what to say.

Laxus just stared at him smugly for a good ten seconds before saying, “Uh. Welcome home.”

“T-Thanks… I… um…” Freed looked at the blonde again, and at the blanket cocoon. He didn’t want to say ‘I’m sorry the kids are a handful.’, because somehow he knew that Laxus would just agree and curse some more… He didn’t feel like telling Laxus about the solo mission either, because truth be told, Freed enjoyed the little excursion, and the dragon slayer might just get more upset about how everyone else was having fun while he was stuck in the guild. So he really was at a loss of what to say…

So he finally offered, “Want to cuddle?”

---

After doing a lot more than cuddling, Freed finally said, “I leave for another job tomorrow.”

“WHAT?”

“Bixlow found this job for me. Retrieval, but requires some knowledge of runes… and he asked me to let him tag along if I’m taking it, told me he’ll get bored hanging around the guild all day—”

“I’ll go. Bixlow can run the bar.”

“…after what Fleur and the twins did?”

“…”

“You’re letting Fleur AND Bix run the bar together?”

Everyone knew that Fleur’s secret mischievous streak came from the puppeteer.

“…”

“But it’s your say, anyway… You’re the guild master—”

“…No. Shit. Whatever this job is, go and take one of them with you.”

---

On the fourth day, there was a new oven… or more like Fleur brought in the oven from their house as apology, since her parents were away, anyway. Laxus banned her from using it, though.

Laxus stuck to his conclusion that it was plain stressful dealing with the older kids. But that lazy afternoon, Laxus was happy to say that for some reason those older kids were all busy somewhere else, and he found himself in the company of Elfman and Evergreen’s third daughter.

He liked the third daughter.

Ellette was twelve years old, and so far hasn’t shown any magical abilities, despite all her family being mages. This made the girl a bit of a loner, even though her parents, siblings and extended family always made sure she felt loved. Plus, Freed spoiled her rotten, being her godfather.

Freed spoiling her rotten also meant that the girl took up being mighty intelligent with killer kitchen skills.

That afternoon, Laxus was enjoying his time sampling various treats that the girl was making. Because Fleur moved the oven from their house, Ellette followed suit. Let’s say she also took after Freed’s and Ever’s strict schedule organization habits and she wasn’t letting the lack of an oven stop her from her scheduled ‘dessert-making day’.

Laxus wouldn’t dare complain. He was being fed delicious desserts every half-hour, and he just shook off the fact that he was also drinking tea from a fancy frilly tea set and wearing a bib and sitting with a princess doll and a pink teddy bar. Also, there’s a flower crown on his head, but what the hell flower crowns are cool.

And it was all happenning on the guild’s bar. Good thing it was an off day and many people were out.

…Yeah, he got roped in to a tea party while Ellette was serving stuff, but hey, he can live with that. It wasn’t his first tea party with a little girl and her dolls.

“How is it, Master?” the girl asked as she walked in with another plate of dessert, this time it was a fancy-looking cupcake. She was bouncing in excitement and pride, her twin silver pigtails swinging as she did so. He’ll bet the whole guild that Freed supplied his beloved goddaughter with the supplies for this so-called ‘dessert-making day’. She was spoiled liked that.

“It’s great. Hold off on the frosting, though.” he commented on the last cake he just ate. Then he eyed the plate that the girl set in front of him. “What’s this now?”

The girl answered cheerfully. “Red velvet cupcake! Do you want sprinkles?”

“Uh—”

“I’ll put sprinkles!”

“…Okay.”

The girl happily added sprinkles to the treat before waiting for the man to eat the dessert.

It was his fourth dessert of the day; may Mavis save his blood sugar.

Dammit, he sounds like an old grandpa. At 42.

“It’s good.” he answered. “Freed taught you this, too?”

“Nuh-uh, this one I studied by myself! I’ll use it to surprise Uncle F! D’you think he’d like it?”

“He loves everythin’ you make, kid.”

The girl squeaked happily and then glomped at him before running off to the kitchen again, shouting a cheerful “Next, GINGERBREAD HOUSE!”

Laxus sighed, wondering if he was going to die that day. Hey, at least he’ll die with a stomach full of great food.

He was contentedly nibbling on the cupcake and reading through a colorful cookbook that the girl left with him as some sort of ‘menu’, that it actually took him by surprise when someone barged in the guild shouting.

“HERE, PRINCESS! WE’RE GONNA HIDE IN HERE I’M SURE THE EVIL DRAGON WON’T SEE US!”

Laxus looked up to see a red-haired little girl in what was unmistakeably an oversized knight armor, carrying a wooden toy sword and leading a charge inside the guild.

Gertrude, Erza’s and Jellal’s only daughter, was eight and was reciting what Laxus was sure was her own script wholeheartedly. She was known for her dramatics. They all say she got it from Erza.

Who else once fought wearing a wedding gown while scolding her enemy about respecting the purity and strength of a bride’s heart?

“Gertie, don’t be so loud! People might get mad!” a boy with curly raven hair scolded lightly as he let himself be dragged by the young pretend knight. Laxus raised an eyebrow upon seeing Cana’s nine year-old son with a fancy tiara on his head and a frilly pink ballet skirt over his shorts. Gunnar looked more troubled by the fact that they were disturbing people than by the fact that he was playing the princess.

“Don’t worry, my princess! I’ll protect you!” was all Gertie said, smiling her winning smile. “You and your noble steed and your fairy!”

And finally Laxus noticed the other two members of Gertie’s cavalry: Elvin, nine, Elfman and Evergreen’s youngest child and only son — was wearing a horse mask and answered with an unconvincing (hey, he tried) “Neeeighhhh~!”, and Asa, thirteen, the freckled, ginger-haired young mage that Layla brought to the guild not too long ago, was no doubt coerced (read: forced) by the younger kids to wear fake fairy wings, hold a magic wand and play along with them.

Laxus had to resist the urge to laugh. Then the kids noticed him and his little tea party on the bar.

“M-Master?” Asa asked, perhaps the sight was too weird that he had to confirm.

Gertie wasted no time to include the blonde man in the plot of her play. “Perfect! We shall set up camp here and join… err… Master Teacup for tea! And we shall tell him of our wonderful adventure!”

Laxus snorted, but didn’t burst the kid’s bubble. This stuff, he can deal with. “Alright, sit down and Master Teacup will get more tea and cups.”

He stood up to fetch more tea and cups as promised, while the children all sat obediently across him. Asa had to help Gertie and Gunnar so they can sit on the high chairs. When he got back, he saw the kids eyeing the leftover pastries from earlier and he just sighed. “Fine, you can have those. And the cupcake too.”

The younger kids quickly picked on the small pastries, while Asa accepted half of the red velvet cupcake that Laxus was eating.

“That’s a nice flower crown, Master Teacup!” Gertie cheerfully remarked. “It matches your eyes!”

“Thanks, it was a present.” Laxus said. Whoever said he can’t take compliments with grace?

Tea got served and Laxus watched them lazily. He felt a bit guilty as he saw Gertie pout at the empty plate of what used to be a small cake before he ate it by himself, then he looked at Gunnar and Elvin, Gunnar adjusting the horse mask that his best friend was wearing. A stubborn tuft of Elvin’s silver hair kept escaping from the mask, annoying both of the boys.

“So I’m guessing someone lost a bet.” Laxus started, smirking when Gertie looked up at him and smiled proudly, while Gunnar and Asa sighed.

“It was actually rock-paper-scissors…” Asa admitted.

Gertie blinked. “S’okay, though, right? Gun’s a great princess!”

“You wanted to paint my face!” Gunnar complained. “With the makeup stuff!”

“You lost rock-paper-scissors!” the only girl in the group argued.

“Ellie-nee is here?” Elvin asked, ignoring his playmates, perhaps recognizing the tea set and the dolls beside Laxus.

Laxus nodded. “Yep, she’s in the kitchen, makin’ a gingerbread house.”

“Awesome!” the boy said, all-too familiar with his sister’s delicious desserts.

“Who’s Ellie gonna be?” Gunnar asked their leader.

Gertie thought for a bit. “Hmmm… ah! Missus Teacup!”

Laxus almost choked on his tea.

As if on cue, Ellette peeked her head from the kitchen, asking out loud. “Master, should I put peppermint?”

“ELLIEEEE~!” the kids exclaimed happily and waved to get the girl’s attention, always happy to see their resident kitchen goddess-in-training.

The girl blinked, then smiled. “Ohhhh, more people! I gotta make it bigger! I’ll put peppermint! And sprinkles!” Then she was back in the kitchen.

Laxus just sighed as he watched the kids bouncing excitedly on their seats. “Alright, stop bouncing or I’ll eat the whole thing when she brings it here. Just drink your tea quietly.”

“Yessir!”

Laxus looked at Asa, who had been drinking his tea quietly all this time. “Hey, newbie.”

“Yes, sir?” the boy looked up attentively.

“Mary wants you in her team, right? She’s been asking me to help convince you. Guess you haven’t accepted that offer yet?”

The young teen looked down. “Uh, I’m not sure. Marygold’s nice, but… I’ve gone with them on a mission once… and Layla and Brooke are kinda… too much for me… They’re scary.”

“Nah, my girl just wants someone to help her deal with those two. And you’re a healer, yeah?”

“Y-yes. I study healing magic…”

“You getting lessons from Wendy?”

“Not really lessons, since she’s pretty busy… but Wendy-san’s been sharing some stuff with me. She said that when she’s free, I should train with her some.”

“Good. Keep at it. Mavis knows we need more healers here. That team on its own needs a dedicated healer, you’ve seen how they get.”

Asa smiled. “Yes, sir.”

“…and don’t let little kids bully you too much. Really. I’m not used to feeling bad for other people but you and Peony are being dragged by these kids around everytime.”

“Y-Yes sir…” the teen said, laughing awkwardly.

Then Laxus turned to the other kids. The boys were now folding the napkins to make paper boats and airplanes, while Gertie was contentedly playing with the princess doll that was sitting on the bar, humming.

“Hey, uh. Gunnar. I thought you were on a trip with your dad?” the guild master asked.

“We got back early. Just this mornin’.” the boy answered politely. Almost too polite to come from the son of two known drunks. “Ma and grampa are away though, and dad said he’s gonna sleep all day.”

Laxus raised an eyebrow. “Where’s your sister?” Because someone ought to look after a three year-old. Right?

“Peony took her to Juvia-san to play with Mika-chan. Juvia-san’s gonna take care of ’er while Ma’s gone.”

Ah, that’s it. Bless Cana’s young freeloading teenage babysitter, and of course Juvia.

“Hn. You enjoy your week off with your dad?”

The boy shrugged. “Same ol’ dad. Taught me some cool moves, though.”

Laxus got nervous all of a sudden. Cool moves? Training? “Please tell me he didn’t get you drunk before teaching you his fighting style.”

“Nah, I told him I wanna fight sober. But he taught me while he was drunk. He passed out after.”

Laxus raised an eyebrow. “What did you do?”

The boy continued. “I drew on his face.”

“Nice one.”

They shared a fist bump.

Laxus thought for a bit. Yeah, maybe Gunnar Alberona can join Luna in Laxus’ list of sensible kids. Cana was not a single mom in the classic sense. She was just a single woman, yes. With kids. Gunnar was the result of a drunk one-night flurry with her best drinking buddy, and she decided to keep the baby…

‘Wait, does this mean I have to marry you?’

‘Stupid, who said you have to marry me? I’m just sayin’ that you’re IN THIS with me.’

‘Which means…?’

‘You’re gonna contribute.’

‘Oh. Cool. When do we pick a name? We should pick something AWESOME.’

‘Yeah! Like BEER!’

‘Or BOOZE! It has a Z and that makes it so much cooler.’

Everyone was in awe that such a logical and civil conversation went on between the two top drunkards of Fiore. Now Cana is a proud mom and Bacchus is a proud dad, and Gildarts is a proud grandpa, and everyone was happy.

(But boy, the nine months that Cana went by without alcohol was the nine longest months in the history of Fairy Tail. To be fair, Bacchus impressively joined her in booze-abstinence. As she said, “IT TOOK TWO OF US TO MAKE THIS KID YOU BETTER SUFFER TOO YOU FUCKING BASTARD.” — it was the hormones.)

…and so far Gunnar (not named ‘Beer’ or ‘Booze’ or god forbid ‘Alcohol’ thanks to Lucy’s and Gray’s kind intervention) is a very well-adjusted kid so who was anyone to judge the Alberona-Groh parenting arrangement?

On the other hand, little Cornelia, now three, was a baby girl that Cana found in the doorstep of Fairy Tail one night and kept as her own. That was just her. She may not have ‘settled down’, but Cana was the ‘Most Mom To Ever Mom’ (Bixlow’s words) in the guild. She regularly took kids in and sheltered them in the guild halls and sometimes in her own home. Gildarts himself never complained about random unfamiliar children in their house when he arrived after jobs. As of the moment, both Peony and Asa were bunking in at Cana’s, making up to their temporary guardian by helping with the house chores and going on jobs.

It’s a really heartwarming thing, really. Laxus just sucked at telling fluffy stories.

But yes, the point is — Laxus kinda liked little Gunnar Alberona too. He’s a cool kid.

Turning to the next one, Laxus called the boy in the horse mask. “Elvin.”

“Yes, Master?”

“Why don’t you try an animal takeover instead of the horse mask?”

The boy scratched his head. “Ehhh, I tried.”

“Tell ’im what happened.” Gunnar said, sniggering.

“No!”

“What happened?” Laxus prompted, knowing the boy would answer him. He was taking advantage of his title, but what the hell.

The boy looked down as he admitted, “I was naked with just the horse tail.” The group burst out in laughter while Elvin blushed and shouted at them to stop. “It’s not funny! Heeeeyyy!”

“Then he screamed!” Gunnar added, earning a punch to his arm. “Because Gertie saw ’im!”

Gertie also stopped laughing. “What, me?”

Gunnar nodded as he continued. “You saw ’im naked.”

“I already saw both of you guys naked.”

They stared at her, horrified.

But Gertie just shrugged. “I dunno what’s the big deal. I dunno why you guys keep screamin’.”

“B-b-b-because you’re a girl!”

“…So?”

They didn’t know how to answer that.

Laxus wanted to put all this in Lacrima-vision for safekeeping and perhaps future blackmail.

“It’s funny though, the horse tail.” Gertie said, chuckling, making Gunnar laugh again.

Elvin blushed in protest. “I don’t have practice with horse, okay?! T’was my first time! Aunt Lisanna hasn’t taught me that yet!”

Laxus finally stopped laughing enough to reassure the kid. “Alright, alright. We get it. You need practice. We’ll stop now.” It took him some five more minutes before Gunnar and Gertie stopped laughing and teasing their friend.

Laxus then turned towards the only girl (and leader) of the group. “And you. No training with your mother?”

Gertie shrugged. “Gun’ and ’Vin came over. Mommy was happy that Gun’s back so she said today I can go play ’stead of train.”

Laxus accepted the answer easy. Erza is (still) a big softie. “So it’s your day off.”

“Yep.”

“But you’re still wearing armor.”

“I’m a knight.”

“Of course you are. And I haven’t seen your brothers around today.”

“Mommy heard about the oven going ‘boom’.” the girl answered. “They’re grounded and they hafta help at home the whole day.”

“They had that comin’.”

“Yeah! They always eat all the cake and flirt with the older ladies thinkin’ they’re all cute and stuff. Ig-nii is cuter than them.”

“You think so? Igneel is cuter than your brothers?” Laxus asked. It was a well-known fact that the twins were little evil ladykillers, and Igneel, even though he has fangirls, sucked at flirting when it matters.

Gertie thought for a while. “Yeah~ He’s cool. And nice! And brings cool games and tells awesome stories when he’s at our house. Neve-nii is cool too. Ig-nii and Neve-nii are cute AND nice. My brothers are cute AND mean AND they make trouble.”

“Make trouble. Your words?”

“Auntie Meredy said that. Oh! She’s at the house today!”

Laxus chuckled. “Let me guess. Looking after the twins.”

Hah, they deserve it. The pink-haired sensory mage scared the shit out of the twins for some reason.

“Yeah, good for ‘em. Auntie’s awesome.” the girl huffed. “And they’re both just weird, always makin’ fun of people. Like what they did with Asa.”

“Please don’t remind me.” the teen said from his seat. “I will never send the same love letter to three different girls at the same time. Not if all three of them can kill me.”

Laxus threw a smug smile at the boy and then turned back to Gertie. “So you don’t like your brothers?”

The girl pouted. “They’re the worst.”

“But they like you.”

“They think I’m a baby! I’m not a baby. Simon is a baby. I’M EIGHT! And I can requip! And they still go ‘Gertie-chan so cute baby sister so cute very cute!’. I am not cute.”

“Yes, you are.” came in unison from Gunnar and Elvin, then both blinked and looked at each other.

Gertie looked at the two boys. Laxus thought that he had seen this before.

Then finally noticing that their leader was starting to glare at them, the boys quickly shook their heads.

“Oh, yeah. You’re not.”

“Not cute. Not cute, Gertie.”

“You’re scary. Yeah.”

“Totally scary, not cute.”

‘Ah.’ Laxus thought, resisting the urge to laugh. ‘Levy, Jet, Droy.’

“That’s right!” Gertie stomped a tiny fist on the bar top for emphasis. “I’m not cute! I’m a FIERCE WARRIOR!”

Laxus wanted so badly to disagree, specially seeing the girl with an adorable pout and holding Ellie’s pink princess doll. Instead he simply said, “Right. You’re fierce, kid. Like your mom.”

Gertie was pleased. Her best friends just looked at her awkwardly, perhaps thinking of how to tell the girl that for some reason she had a bit of frosting on her nose. All this time.

Laxus simply sighed and grabbed a napkin that the boys haven’t turned into origami yet, and then wiped the icing off the girl’s face himself.

That was when Ellette had gone out the kitchen carrying a big, fancy and delicious-looking gingerbread house on a tray. The children clapped their hands excitedly. “Alright everyone, you hafta promise me something before eating this!”

“We promise!” the kids blurted out automatically.

“You have to give comments! Useful comments, so I can make it better next time!”

“We promiiiiiise!”

Ellette smiled proudly, then laid the treat on the table. “Alright, have at it.”

“Thank you, Missus Teacup!” came from all four (yes, including the thirteen year-old) as they all poked curiously and hungrily at the house, maybe trying to see how they can start eating it without ruining it too much. It looked too good so it kinda made them feel bad to just destroy it in one go.

“Missus Teacup?” the girl blinked, clueless.

Gertie answered quickly, “Master is Master Teacup.” Then she joined her friends in eating the treat.

Ellette looked at Laxus with wide eyes. “Is Missus Teacup s’pposed to be Master Teacup’s…?”

Laxus didn’t know how to answer that. The girl looked upset, being made to be his wife.

Thankfully, Gunnar helpfully supplied, “Yeah, that’s why she’s Missus.”

Ellette burst into a disbelieving “I’M MASTER’S WAIFU?!” as she grabbed at Laxus’ shirt.

“Uhhh…”

And then to his surprise, the girl looked at him with a big smile and blushing cheeks. She excitedly asked, “Like Uncle F is your waifu?”

“Oh.” So that’s what she was after. “Yeah, I think so?”

“Yaaaayyyyy~!” the girl cried happily, hugging him. Laxus simply pat the girl’s head awkwardly. “I’m gonna be a great waifu like Uncle F!”

Laxus was grateful he was not drinking tea because he could have choked. For the second time that day.

But he had to admit, he liked this better than any of those teenagers’ silly shenanigans.