“I’m like catnip for spirit-eating monsters, they’re going after my friends, I get my soul knocked off my body at least five times a day, my class thinks I’m a freak, Lance McClain of all people is all up on my case-… and my worst problem is that I have a fake boyfriend.”

Shiro listened, as he always did, and he laughed when Keith eventually said, “Fucking high school.”

Teen (13+)
Chapters: 5
Words: 0

Quincy Archer Hates You

Chapter 5


A short conclusion.

When Keith finally arrived at the school grounds, he had a screaming Lance slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Wha-???” was Hunk’s very articulate reaction as Keith landed in front of them and dropped Lance ungracefully on the ground.

Lance quickly stood up, spluttering. “Never touch me again, Kogane!”

Keith shrugged. “You said you wanted to get here as fast as you can.”

He finally looked at his friends. They all looked worse for wear, and from the looks of it, they can all see him in his shinigami form now.

He looked down. “Sorry I’m late.”

To his surprise, Pidge waved him off. “Nah, me and Hunk grew superpowers and took care of the monster.”

Keith stared at her. When he looked at Hunk, the guy just gave him a thumbs up. When he turned to Matt, he got a shrug. Then he looked at Shiro.

The man sat up with visible effort. “They did.”

Lance beat Keith to a reaction. “What?!” he exclaimed. He rushed towards Hunk and cupped his best friend’s face. After a second, he blinked. “Human. Oh, thank God.” Lance sighed in relief, hugging Hunk’s head against his chest protectively as he frowned towards Shiro. “I thought you infected him with your shinigami germs too!”

“We’re not a disease.” Keith pointed out, then looked at the others again. “Seriously, though. What happened here?”

“We kicked monster butt!” Hunk said, partially muffled by Lance’s shirt. “Well, punched, technically.”

“Yeah. And Shiro told us everything.” Pidge continued, looking at Keith. “Or. As much as he could. I still have some questions.”

“So many questions.” Matt mumbled, massaging his temples.

“A whole lot of questions that really need answers because I am still freaking out right now, but…” Hunk trailed off, looking towards Shiro. “I don’t think Shiro’s in the right condition to answer.”

“I’m fine, guys.” Shiro reassured them.

“I’ve looked at you for two seconds and I can tell you’re not.” Keith said as he walked up to the man and placed a hand on his forehead. Shiro looked pale and felt cold. When he swayed forward, Keith caught him and let him lean against his side. “What did you do?”

“My job.” came the weak reply.

Keith looked at the others.

“He fired some kinda beam from his hand.” Matt provided. “It was super effective.”

Keith turned back to Shiro with a scolding frown. “You shouldn’t be doing that.”

“Okay, maybe I’m dead on my feet.” Shiro admitted. “I’m really sorry, guys…”

“Hey, it’s fine, buddy. We can wait ‘til you’re better.” Hunk reached out to pat Shiro’s back, then looked at Keith. “So… uh. You look a bit worn out too? How many of those monster Hollow things did you fight?”

“A small army.” Keith answered absently, busy checking on Shiro. He was quiet as Keith brushed a thumb just below a cut on the man’s cheek. “Lance helped.”

“Nope.” Lance corrected stubbornly. “Lance saved Keith’s ass from getting eaten by a Hollow, then Keith begged Lance for help.” When Hunk sent him a look, he sighed. “And then Lance helped.”

Keith assessed his friends again. It was clear they were looking to him or Shiro for directions. Even Lance seemed like he didn’t have plans to go anywhere else yet.

“Alright, you’re all going to my place.” he declared. When that was met with questions, he continued. “I live in a clinic. Pidge, you should get your knees disinfected. Hunk has bruises. Lance- I don’t know what’s up with your hands.”

Lance looked at his hands and winced. His fingers looked a bit red, but he quickly hid them on his pockets. “I forgot to bring my gloves, okay?”

“I wanna make sure I don’t have a concussion.” Matt chimed in. “My head feels like hell.”

Keith gestured towards Matt and looked pointedly towards the others.

Then he played the trump card. “Also, if Thace sees that I brought friends over, he’ll get you guys to stay for dinner.”

(Thace’s cooking was legendary. He was one of Hunk’s life heroes.)

Effectively, that had them all standing up and agreeing that the clinic was their next destination indeed.





Keith let Matt and Lance smooth-talk Thace and Ulaz into believing that they all simply had too much fun on some sort of extracurricular activity. Together, the two weaved a colorful tale that explained how they got their various scrapes, bruises and potential concussions. They might have sprinkled in some pretty embarrassing things Keith supposedly did, but Keith was tired enough to let it pass.

Pidge got her scrapes disinfected. Lance’s hands were looking better. Matt didn’t have a concussion. Shiro was given some kind of medicine for nausea, whatever good that might do. Then Keith put a band-aid on the cut on his cheek, handed him a chocolate bar, and insisted that Shiro eat it at once.

Meanwhile, Hunk had charmed his way into the kitchen and Thace was very happy to let him help. Lance joined them soon after while Ulaz talked to Matt and Pidge about their parents. Sometime between this, Shiro had politely escaped to use the restroom.

A few minutes later, Keith slipped away from the others as well.

They really needed some time alone.

He met Shiro on the hallway making his way back. The man smiled meekly. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Keith replied in a whisper.

Shiro let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s strange how I’m not used to being in your house without having to sneak around.”

“Yeah.” Keith tried to smile back. “Are you okay?”

A nod. “Of course. Feeling better. It’s just… it’s been a long day and-” Shiro fell silent. When Keith looked at him like that , he knew pretending was useless. “I might have used whatever little power I’ve recovered against that Hollow.” he admitted with a sigh.

“That was stupid and risky.” Keith scolded. Before Shiro could say anything, he bit his lip and looked down. “But thank you. For looking out for my friends.”

Shiro nodded, and when he spoke, he sounded relieved. “They’re my friends too.”

Keith looked up at him in time to catch his eyes flutter closed for a second. Keith quickly moved to steady Shiro, one hand on his arm, the other cradling the back of the his head.

“Hey, do you need to lay down again?”

Shiro shook his head. “I’ll be fine when I eat. Just… give me a moment.”

He closed his eyes, head down, trying to steady himself. The chocolate and the medicine had helped, he wasn’t swaying on his feet anymore, but he still felt very tired. When Keith pulled him close and tucked his head on his shoulder, he gave in easily and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.

Keith heard the broken whisper against his neck. “I’m so sorry, Keith.”

Keith only held him tighter. He was pretty sure he was holding them both up now, but he didn’t think too much about it. He stood his ground and only asked, “What for?”

“I don’t know what’s happening.” Shiro confessed, his voice weak. “I didn’t want to make you worry, or pressure you, so I held back on teaching you about your powers because I thought this would be over quickly. But it’s not. And now… Now I got your friends involved too. If I taught you sooner, maybe your powers wouldn’t have affected them so much. I don’t even know what Soul Society would say about this and-” he stopped when his voice cracked.

Keith shook his head. “No. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?” he said firmly. “I agreed to this. We agreed to help each other. Hey- Look at me.”

Shiro drew back, and it hurt Keith to see him look so tired and resigned. He placed a hand on the man’s cheek and brushed his thumb lightly over the band-aid he put there just moments earlier.

“I’m confused, Shiro. And worried too, yeah. But you know what? You always tell me that we’ll figure it out together. That’s what we’ll do this time too. Patience, right? You taught me that. So. For now, you’ll rest up. And you’ll get better. Then we’ll figure this shit out.”

Shiro shook his head and closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath against the other’s touch. “I just don’t want to cause you any more trouble but it just- Things just keep happening and- I just wish I was stronger- You have your own life and doing my job already takes up too much of your time, you shouldn’t be taking care of me too-”

“But I want to.” Keith argued. “Shiro, I agreed to this because I wanted to protect you. Well- That night, at least, I wanted to save my house, and myself, and you.” he chuckled. “Doing your job gives me the power to protect people I care about, including you. I don’t see it as a burden. And I’m fine taking care of you, ‘cause – don’t argue with me on this – you take care of me too. It’s almost annoying how much.”

Shiro couldn’t help but chuckle shyly. “Really?”

“Yeah. Sometimes you’re worse than Thace and Ulaz.” Keith rolled his eyes, then grinned at his companion again. “But. I appreciate it.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Shiro said, smiling softly.

Keith felt the hands on his waist relax. That was a good sign. He moved his hands to the man’s shoulders and gave them a short pat. “So. Enough with the self-pity, okay? You’re doing fine. We’re all alive. You haven’t fucked up.”

Shiro’s laugh had more life this time. “Thank you, Keith.”

“You’re welcome.” Keith said. He held Shiro’s eyes for a few seconds before stepping back and letting go, but not without some reluctance. He hated how he immediately felt the loss of Shiro’s arms around him, and had to cross his arms across his chest if only to keep himself from holding the man again.

Shiro fiddled with his fingers a bit before tucking his hands in his pockets. “I think. We should… get back to the others?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. They’ll be looking for us.”

“Your friends know the truth now. Are we still going to… uh… pretend?”

“Huh.” Keith blinked. “Good point.” Finally, they can stop making excuses up for running off with each other all the time-

They heard footsteps approaching, then Pidge’s voice from the staircase. “Hey, if you guys are done making out in there, dinner’s almost ready!”

It was followed by Ulaz. “Keith, remember, open door!”

They heard something drop – probably a kitchen utensil – and then an exclamation from Thace. “My Keith is dating someone?!”

Keith groaned in irritation, then glared at Shiro who snorted and hid his laugh behind his hand. “Well, I think they just made that decision for us.”

“Come on.” Shiro said, drawn out and sweet, taking one of Keith’s hands and tugging him forward. “Introduce me to your parents.”

“Teach me how to do a soul burial on myself instead, I beg you.” Keith complained, but he didn’t let go. “Wait, are you enjoying this?”

“It will get me free food.” Shiro shrugged. “I’m really hungry, Keith.”

“Ugh. Me too.” Keith grumbled. “Fine. Let’s do this.”





The next day found Keith and his usual group of friends claiming the school rooftop as usual for lunchtime. Except this time, there were a few additions.

“Okay, so. That’s just ridiculous now.” Keith mumbled.

The hand stroking his hair momentarily stopped. “Yes?”

“Look. They’re making actual graphs, Shiro.”

And it was true. Shiro could see all sorts of graphs and data on Matt’s laptop screen. In front of him, Pidge was cheering Hunk on as the guy prepared to punch her shield again using his armored arm.

The shield flickered once, but didn’t break. Hunk pouted. “That was my strongest punch!”

“Okay, but what if I move the shield and meet your punch halfway?” Pidge suggested.

“Yes!” Matt clapped once and pointed at his sister. “Right, let’s see how that goes.”

“In most realities, the human Hunk will never be able to break the little one’s shield unless she falls unconscious.” said the stuffed toy draped on top of Matt’s head. It was Slav, the soul candy residing inside a small green plush that looked like some kind of alien penguin-otter-worm hybrid.

“Really? How can you tell?” Matt asked, then started dutifully taking notes when Slav explained.

(Apparently after Keith rushed to get back to his physical body that afternoon, he didn’t know where to put the soul candy and just tucked it on the toy that sat on his dresser.)

(It was a weird plushie he kept because Ulaz had won it for him from a crate game in the arcade when he was a kid.)

(When he got back to his room after everyone else had left, he found said plushie sitting in front of his laptop apparently doing research. Keith sat with him and answered Slav’s questions about the human world while he waited for Shiro to sneak back in through his window.)

(Shiro was absolutely horrified when he first found Keith talking to the plushie.)

(Also, Keith had no idea why Shiro always looked like he wanted to throw Slav out the window whenever the little guy made himself comfortable on top of Keith’s head or draped across his shoulders. Keith had a feeling that having them both as roommates would be… eventful.)

(They brought Slav to school the next day and the walking-talking plushie was quickly recruited by Keith’s friends in their latest endeavor.)

Pidge, Matt and Hunk had finished eating their lunch in five minutes flat and then proceeded to play out different scenarios and uses for Pidge’s and Hunk’s new abilities while Matt jot down the data and Slav provided his… expertise. Whatever that was.

They said it was for science. Keith didn’t argue because he knew them well enough to know that yes, it was indeed for science, and they’d fight him for it if they had to.


As for Keith, he was just enjoying the view of his friends safe and sound, fooling around during lunchtime.

“It’s good that they’re studying their powers.” Shiro commented, sipping on his apple juice. “I guess I should take you guys to Coran now.”

Keith looked up at him. “Who?”

“My contact. The researcher? He can help them learn about their powers and he can help us with yours too. Or at least, he can provide some insight.”

Keith nodded. “Why haven’t I met this guy yet, anyway?”

Shiro thought about it for a while. “He’s… not exactly… an official affiliate of my employer.”

Keith stared. “Shiro. Are you telling me we’ve been using contraband this whole time? Your phone, the memory modifier- Slav?”

“They’re not illegal!” Shiro remedied. “They’re just… experimental. Like I told you before! Coran works on them and just gets me to test them for him.”

“Alright. So we’re taking everyone to meet your mad scientist friend soon and he’ll explain whatever it is that makes my spiritual pressure weird and why my two completely normal friends suddenly have powers now too. Good plan.”

“Thanks.” Shiro smiled. “A little warning, though. He might try to adopt your friends.”

“Or my friends will try to adopt him.” Keith grinned back. “Pidge, Matt and Hunk working together is a force of nature with or without powers. I fear for your friend.”

That was when Lance arrived and did a double take at the scene that greeted him. Hunk and Matt were trying to help Pidge stand on top of her shield, because they figured out that if positioned and controlled correctly it can be used for transportation a la flying carpet.

Hunk brightened up as soon as he saw his best friend. “Lance! Good timing! Try to shoot Pidge!”

“Yeah, come at me!” Pidge hopped off the shield and grinned excitedly, moving her shield to a vertical position again. It was very impressive how much control she already had over her new power.

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Uh… Why would I do that?”

He was answered with a chorus of “For science!” from the three enthusiasts.

“Ah, the Quincy human probably cannot break the shield either.” Slav said.

Lance scowled. “You think?”

“I know it.”

“Well, I’ll show you-”

Just like that, Lance was roped in their little experiment, and after a few minutes, he and Hunk were chasing Pidge around the rooftop still trying to take down her shield while Matt and Slav shouted instructions.

Shiro looked at Keith, who was watching their friends run around shouting silly attack names at each other. “So… you and Lance… You agreed to have a truce?”

“We were never fighting, so there can’t be a truce.” Keith replied. “But. Yeah, we’re good. We, uh, had a bonding moment.”

Shiro accepted the answer easily. “That sounds good.”

Matt tilted his head to look at them. “Hey, Keith, why don’t we try your sword?”

Keith gave him a deadpan look. “No. I’m tired.”

“Killjoy!” Pidge said, pointing at her best friend. “Bring out the sword, ninja mullet!”

“Aw, guys, let’s leave them alone.” Hunk chastised, ever the diplomat. “They look really cozy in there.”

“Yeah, leave us alone. Be supportive of our budding relationship, since it’s your fault for making my uncles so happy about it I couldn’t tell them it wasn’t true.” Keith said from his comfortable position lying on the floor and using Shiro’s lap as his pillow.

“Shiro? What about your spirit beam thing?” Matt tried.

“You saw what that does to him.” Keith scolded. “He’s not allowed to use it ever again.”

“Sorry, Matt.” Shiro shrugged helplessly, though he didn’t look very upset at being ‘grounded’ from using kido indefinitely. In fact, he simply looked fondly at Keith and tucked stray strands of hair behind the boy’s ear.

“I’m confused.” Lance said, shooting at Pidge’s shield again. He frowned in disappointment when his arrow bounced off. How strong was this little gremlin’s power anyway? “Are they together for real now, are they fake dating or what?”

“Yes.” was Pidge’s answer.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes!” Matt provided cheerfully.

Lance looked lost. “Which is it? Wait, was that an inside joke? A nerd joke? Hunk, fill me in on this, man!”

Hunk shrugged. “Sorry, buddy. We don’t really try to make sense of those two. They just… do what they do. It’s one of their Keith-and-Shiro things.”

“You are right.” Slav added. “It does not compute. Although in another reality, they are what you would call soul mates-”

Lance rolled his eyes before turning to the source of his confusion. “Hey, ninja mullet, what’s the deal with you two?”

Keith exchanged a quick look with Shiro before grinning smugly at Lance. “We’re in love.”

Lance scoffed. “No you’re not.”

“What? You asked. I answered.” Keith said, blindly reaching a hand out for Shiro, who didn’t miss a beat and twined their fingers together. “He’s my true love. You love me too, right, Shiro?”

“Of course. Shiro loves you, baby.” was the very enthusiastic reply.

Pidge, Hunk and Matt cheered.

“Oh God.” Lance reeled, horrified by the display. “You’re made for each other.”

Shiro only looked flattered. “Thank you!”

“That’s so kind.” Keith added in monotone.

Lance only threw his hands up in surrender, turned his back to them, and declared, “This is why I hate shinigami.”



Chapter Notes:

Everyone: Keith and Shiro sitting on a tree-

Thanks for sticking out this fic with me guys!
I really enjoyed writing this and I hope to write more for this AU soon.
Leave comments to make me cry! ^_^

Story End Notes:

Fic title is from the ‘Quincy Archer Hates You’ arc of the Bleach manga.
Seriously, it’s a goldmine of pretentious cool-sounding titles.

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