grow as we go

welcome home

(a mini scene from “vintage” au)

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Jiang Cheng comes home after work to find Nie Huaisang on his couch, knitting while watching some English period TV series.

He stops for a moment, and wonders if he’s dreaming, somehow.

Nie Huaisang is there, on his couch, all cozy and comfortable, like he hasn’t been away for the past three months, doing a “favor for a friend” overseas for what he called a “slow burn job”. During that time, communication between them has mostly been radio silence.

Now he’s back, clearly, with no warning or heads-up whatsoever. Just completely made himself at home in Jiang Cheng’s apartment.

Well. This is his home, Jiang Cheng supposes.

“Oh! Welcome home, A-Cheng.” Nie Huaisang says to him with a smile, ever casual, as if this is their normal. “How was work?”

The first thing that comes to Jiang Cheng’s mind to say is “What the fuck”. Maybe the Jiang Cheng of a year or two back would say that. But between what he has to deal with almost daily with Jin Ling and his friends, and how his and Nie Huaisang’s relationship (yes, that’s what it is) has been for the recent years, by now he’s learned to just roll with shit like this. He knows this dance well enough.

“The usual. Fine.” Jiang Cheng answers as he takes off his coat and sets his bag down. “How did your trip go?

Nie Huaisang grins happily. “Ah, it was really fun! I wish you were there.”

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow. “Why, did you extra hands?”

Nie Huaisang laughs, light and easy. “No, not like that… The job’s done, squeaky clean. I just wished you were with me, is all.” He tips his head up when Jiang Cheng stops right behind him. “Anyway. Surprise!”

“It is. A surprise.” Jiang Cheng agrees, before leaning down and dropping a kiss on the other’s forehead. “Y’know, I was just gonna drop my things off here and change before going to the gym.”

“That’s okay, don’t let me change your plans.” Nie Huaisang waves him off as he goes back to his knitting and his show. “You go work out and stuff, I’ll just be here. I just started this season, anyway.”

“Hm.” Jiang Cheng just stays there behind him for a second. He notices that Nie Huaisang is wearing his hair in a ponytail, tied up with some sort of patterned fabric he must have gotten from his trip. He absently runs his fingers through long brown strands as he looks at the show playing on the TV screen.

There are people wearing colorful gowns in some sort of outdoor garden party. A man is flirting with a lady and is succeeding on flustering not just her but also all the other ladies in the vicinity.

“Alright.” he says, before heading to his room to change.

A few minutes later, he comes out wearing a comfortable shirt and lounge pants. He joins Nie Huaisang on the couch and then lays his head down on the man’s lap.

“Huh.” Nie Huaisang blinks down at him, a small grin in his lips. “A-Cheng… I thought you were going to the gym?”

“I can skip.” Jiang Cheng says, shifting slightly as he makes himself comfortable. “Been dying for a nap, anyway.”

“I see, I see… We’re not worried about losing those abs?” Nie Huaisang teases.

A scoff, as Jiang Cheng closes his eyes, ready for a nap. “That’s really your concern? My abs?”

“They’re really nice abs…” Nie Huaisang says with a dreamy sigh. “I missed them.”

“Well, we can worry about them tomorrow.” is all Jiang Cheng says, intent on napping now. Nie Huaisang is back and is determined to be a menace in his life again for however long he’s staying this time, so he’ll return the favor, in his way. “Go, watch your show. Knit your… thing.”

He hears a chuckle from Nie Huaisang before getting a reply. “It’s a beanie. For A-Ling.”

Jiang Cheng pauses for a second, a memory coming to him. He opens his eyes to raise an eyebrow at his companion. “Like what you made for him when he was like, two?”

Nie Huaisang blinks. “Oh… I did make him one, did I?” He lets out a small gasp, and sets his project aside so he can look down at Jiang Cheng, smiling. “You remember?! I didn’t even remember, A-Cheng!”

“Jiejie liked that beanie. A-Ling wore it all the time.” Jiang Cheng says, just a matter of fact. He thinks again for a quick moment – “I think he still has it, somewhere. I put it on, like, a teddy bear. When he grew too big for it.”

“Are you serious? Aww, that’s-…” Nie Huaisang lets out what sounds like a strangled squeal, and now with his hands free, he can use one of them to half-heartedly slap Jiang Cheng’s chest. “Ahhh, you’re gonna make me cry! I just got back!”

“Get it together.” Jiang Cheng says with a chuckle, taking his hand and twining their fingers together instead. “So why’re you making him a beanie?”

Nie Huaisang takes a breath to compose himself, and then shrugs. “No reason… I saw this really nice yarn, and it reminded me of him somehow. So I thought I’d make something. I haven’t knitted in a while too, I missed it.”

“Yeah, I guess he likes those colors.” Jiang Cheng says. “He’ll appreciate it. It’s almost winter.”

“Hm… if Jin Ling is getting this, maybe I should make one for Zizhen too.” Nie Huaisang muses, his other hand absently starting to play with Jiang Cheng’s hair. “Ah! But if I give those two presents, I’ll also have to give A-Yuan, and Jingyi… It’s only fair…”

“A-Sang, the youngest of them is 20 years old.” Jiang Cheng says with a huff. “They won’t throw tantrums if their friend gets a present and they don’t. Just say it’s ‘cause you missed A-Ling’s birthday while you were abroad.”

Nie Huaisang looks affronted. “You want me to lie to the babies?”

“Well. Technically, you won’t be. Those are all true.”

“Wow. I think I am a bad influence on you…”

“You only think that now?”

“Yes.” Nie Huaisang says, in all seriousness. Then he shakes his head. “Okay, stop trying to talk me out of something I wanna do! I have some free time, I’m on vacation. I’m just gonna make one for each of them. I missed those boys, anyway. I didn’t hear from any of them while I was away. Please tell me that’s a good thing?”

“Uh, that’s because without you, they bugged me instead. Like assists and planning and small ‘favors’ for intel…” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Those little criminals…”

“Hah! Really? So what have they been up to, anyway?”

“So,” Jiang Cheng starts, stops, and then decides that he has to be sitting up for this. So he sits up, then drapes an arm across the back of the couch, which Nie Huaisang takes as an open invitation to snuggle to his side. It is, and for now the knitting and the period ladies gossiping in their colorful gowns are forgotten. Now it’s catch-up time.

“Heard about BlockWave?” he starts, like asking about a new restaurant that just opened in town.

Nie Huaisang settles happily against him, wrapping his arms around his torso. “No… what’s that? It sounds like some crypto thing?”

“It was a crypto thing.” Jiang Cheng nods. “It doesn’t exist anymore. Exposed for money laundering – as usual – and for running one of those fake news account rings. They pissed Jingyi off too much.”

“Hm… Very on-brand for our Jingyi.”

“Then… What was it-… Ah. There was something about this super valuable lost painting, it was found with these really nice, ordinary folks…. They wanted to keep it ‘cause it’s a heirloom and has sentimental value? But then some pretentious art vultures- ahem, collectors, curators- Whatever, assholes – they were trying really dirty tricks to force those poor people to sell it, they were even being menaces to that whole neighborhood. So Sizhui and Zizhen decided to menace them back.”

Nie Huaisang grins. “As they should!”

“As they should.” Jiang Cheng agrees. “And then there was that one girl who luckily bumped into Jin Ling while running from kidnappers. He had fun. He got to terrorize human traffickers for a week. Wen Ning assisted.”

“My, they’ve been busy!“ Nie Huaisang lets out a laugh that trails off into a happy sigh. “Ah… Those boys… They make me so proud…”

Jiang Cheng scoffs. “Of course you’re proud of your little crime squad.”

“Oh, they’re not mine. They’re your little criminal squad, my love.” He lifts his head slightly to look at Jiang Cheng, and pokes his nose. “You trained those kids more than I did, if you really think about it. I’m outsourced, remember?”

Jiang Cheng’s sigh of defeat is enough of a reply, even without his quiet, grumbled, “Dammit.”

Then Nie Huaisang gasps. “Oh my God, are we parents? Am I a step-dad?!”

Jiang Cheng squints at him. “I don’t know about you. I don’t know what you are except ridiculous.” Then he shrugs. “I know I am a parent. Just for one, though. I don’t even know how I ended up feeding those other three regularly. I do know their parents will faint if they knew what they’ve been running around doing. Except Lan Zhan. He’s weirdly supportive-…”

He looks at Nie Huaisang then, and blurts out the first thought that came to him upon seeing the impossibly soft expression on the other’s face – “…What?”

Nie Huaisang just shakes his head, smiling softly. “You know, it’s nice hearing you say that.”

Jiang Cheng blinks. “What-… that Lan Zhan’s weird?”

Nie Huaisang laughs, amused. “No, silly. That you’re a parent.”

Jiang Cheng just looks at him, like he just pointed out the most obvious thing. “I am.”

“You are. It’s kinda crazy. I still remember us thinking Wei Ying and Lan Zhan wanting to adopt A-Yuan was crazy, that they were too young, and they- We were 23 then.” Nie Huaisang muses.

Jiang Cheng just lets out a chuckle at the memory, agreeing.

Nie Huaisang’s voice gets quieter, and his gaze trails away from Jiang Cheng’s eyes, looking at the faded print on his shirt instead. “That last job I did? I kinda had to be someone’s parent for a bit. A little girl. She’s very sweet, and super smart and funny. I’m glad we got to help her.”

Jiang Cheng is quiet for a moment. His hand that was resting on the couch’s backrest moves to run his fingers down the strands of hair framing Nie Huaisang’s face.

“I won’t ask for details.” he says. “Except, are you okay?”

Nie Huaisang chuckles, looking back up at him with a surprised but appreciative smile. “Oh, I’m fine! It’s cool. And the kid’s doing great, last time I checked. I do miss her a bit. We spent a lot of time together.” he shrugs, then goes to snuggle Jiang Cheng again. “I just got reminded of her. But I’m good. I’m glad to be back.”

“Yeah, welcome back.” Jiang Cheng says, holding him close just for comfort.

Nie Huaisang sighs contentedly, but after several moments of silence, he starts again.

“A-Cheng, did you… ever think about kids? I know you have A-Ling, but like, your own own kids. Like with your own… someone.”

Jiang Cheng stops to think about it, and Nie Huaisang patiently waits. “Well. I think before I could ever really think about it, I’ve already done it.” he says. “I kinda had to just… step up. And do it.”

“Ah. I guess that is how it turned out.” Nie Huaisang replies, with a light chuckle.

Then he looks up again, meeting Jiang Cheng’s eyes once more, though this time Jiang Cheng can tell he’s fighting off an urge to look away.

“Okay, so. Ignore this if it’s gonna ruin the mood, I guess…” Nie Huaisang bites his lip, before continuing, “Did you ever think of… what it could’ve been like? You and me? If I had stayed… with you and A-Ling, could we have had-…?”

Jiang Cheng blinks as Nie Huaisang trails off, clearly taken by surprise at where this went, and the directness of the question. His hand drops, and Nie Huaisang almost thinks of something to say to deflect, but then he settles it on Nie Huaisang’s waist instead, so Nie Huaisang stays quiet for a moment longer.

“Alright. Uh…” Jiang Cheng starts, then pauses as he gathers his thoughts first. “I have to know if you’re asking me this to fish for something ‘cause you’re… actually thinking about it, or if we’re just doing hypothetical. And don’t do your grifter thing, you know you’re too good at that.”

Now it’s Nie Huaisang’s turn to blink, and he lets out a breath of laughter, before raising his hands to cup Jiang Cheng’s cheek. He leans forward and presses a quick kiss to the other man’s lips before replying, “You overthinker. It’s hypothetical. That’s the truth.”

Jiang Cheng nods as he leans back then, giving Nie Huaisang’s waist a gentle squeeze. “Well. I guess so, now and then. I have thought about whether we would’ve done it, if you hadn’t left, and we… stayed together. Specially when you call the boys your babies or whatever.”

“Oh. Really?” Nie Huaisang says, his grin amused, thoughtful.

“Sure.” Jiang Cheng lets out a sigh then, and his grin turns just a bit bittersweet. “But everytime it came up, I just end up thinking that if you had stayed, I would have screwed up, either with you or with Jin Ling. And I can’t really… see myself picking anything else at all, over A-Ling.”

Ah. Nie Huaisang nods at that, understanding settling on him.

They were already adults when their lives completely changed, but nothing really could have prepared them for how drastic, how much of themselves they had to put in to keep up with those changes. For Nie Huaisang, he had to distance himself from everything that happened so much that he had to make a whole new life on a whole new continent for himself, just so he could grieve, and live. For Jiang Cheng, he had to sacrifice his career at the time, and let Nie Huaisang go alone, because Jin Ling had only him.

Even if Nie Huaisang had stayed, even if he had changed to be someone who can stay, Jiang Cheng still would have chosen Jin Ling first, every time. That’s just the plain and simple truth – no exceptions – and it should hurt, yet it doesn’t. Nie Huaisang only loves him more for this.

“You do have both me and Jin Ling now, though.” Nie Huaisang says. “And you’re doing great.”

“I mean, things are different now. Jin Ling doesn’t need me to tuck him to bed every night anymore.” Jiang Cheng chuckles, then tilts his head as he squints at Nie Huaisang. “And do I have you, really? I feel like I only do when you want me to.”

Nie Huaisang huffs, going back to looking amused. “Don’t be ridiculous. You have me always. Even when I’m away for work. You’ve had me since forever.”

“Hm. Okay.” Jiang Cheng shrugs, as he nudges Nie Huaisang closer, to settle against him again. “That’s noted.”

Nie Huaisang leans forward to rest on him, but he is pouting. “I really had to say it? Even after all this time? I come home so often these days too! Why do you think that is?”

“I had to hear it.” Jiang Cheng says flatly. “I mean, you won’t even marry me.”

Nie Huaisang lets out a barely audible grunt. “You haven’t asked.”

“Well, you haven’t asked.”

“Do you want to? You won’t even call me your boyfriend.”

“I dunno, won’t it be weird to start doing that now? It’s been like, 20 plus years.”

Nie Huaisang giggles. “I heard Zizhen say we were long-distance married.”

“I think we were.” Jiang Cheng says, sounding very much not pleased. “And that kid was already too nosy. You made him worse.”

Nie Huaisang just shrugs it off, before counting with his fingers – “Okay, so we’re not boyfriends, we were long-distance married, we’ve been engaged for a year-”

“Wait- Engaged?”

“Yeah, like, last year, right? You proposed to me. At the airport? With a ring and everything? Around all those people?”

Jiang Cheng has to think about it for a second, before the specific memory hits him. “That was a job! We did that to distract the mark or else Sizhui was gonna get caught-”

“Well, I’m counting it. You haven’t asked for the ring back. I’ve already told my friend. Lan Zhan’s uncle also congratulated me, you know.”

“The hell? You go around telling people?”

“I swear I don’t. The ring goes around telling people.”

“Dammit. You got me there.”

“So where were we? Ah! Yes. Engaged for a year…” he starts to count off again. “And zero kid plans. That all?”

“I guess?” Jiang Cheng, for the second time that night, sighs in defeat as he just accepts that this is his lot in life. “No kid plans for you too, then?”

Nie Huaisang takes a deep, calming breath as he goes back to Jiang Cheng’s arms. “A-Cheng, I love babies… I love babies so much, they are so soft and warm and perfectly heavy… My favorite part about them is when they get stinky or cry a lot, I get to give them back to their parent like Wow! You made this! So cute! Good job!’ So… yeah.”

Jiang Cheng scoffs. “Mm, you shouldn’t be a parent, alright.”

“Good take.” Nie Huaisang fully agrees. “Besides, we do have kids. And I see they’re well taken care of! You’re such a good dad~”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, but he does look at the three little succulents still looking lovely and healthy by the windowsill. Their pots have little crocheted shirts now, courtesy of Zizhen.

“Thanks for giving me the most low maintenance children, I guess. All I could ask for.”

He presses his lips to Nie Huaisang’s hair. Nie Huaisang turns to look at him with a smile, and pulls him down for a proper kiss, followed by more easy, playful, quick kisses, shared in the silence of the apartment.

“A-Cheng…” Nie Huaisang starts, a breath in between kisses. “When’s A-Ling getting home?”

“He’s at Zizhen’s for the weekend. Took Fairy, too.” Jiang Cheng says, pulling the other closer. “What are you thinking?”

Nie Huaisang smiles, as his hands tug at Jiang Cheng’s shirt again. “You know what I’m thinking…”

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow, “You don’t mind ditching your show?”

A shrug. “Eh, I haven’t been paying attention since we started talking about your abs.” Another kiss, this one deeper, more eager. “We can get back to the show, later.”

Jiang Cheng pulls him closer, as he kisses back with just as much enthusiasm. “Alright, then.”

.

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Later that night, bundled up in a shared blanket and eating takeout food, they pick up where they left off, watching ladies in colorful gowns being paraded among their suitors.

“By the way,” Jiang Cheng starts. “How did you get in? The doorknob wasn’t broken…”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes are glued to the screen as he answers, nonchalant – “Oh. That’s right, I acquired a key.”

“Acquired.” Jiang Cheng repeats, giving Nie Huaisang a suspicious look – “Nie Huaisang, did you steal my keys and copied them without me knowing? When?”

“Darling, of course I didn’t.” Nie Huaisang assures him, complete with a hand rubbing his arm. “So. Technically, it was Sizhui who stole Jin Ling’s copy…”

Jiang Cheng shakes his head. “Unbelievable. Roping in my other nephew-”

“No, no, see, I was teaching him a trick! And we needed someone to try it on, and A-Ling was right there, so… Don’t worry, we gave him the keys back!”

“You’re a bad role model.”

“It’s fine… You’re an excellent role model, so it evens out, don’t you think?”

For the third time that night, a sigh of defeat – “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

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fin.