Five Times Shiro and Keith Insist That Their Fake Relationship is Indeed Fake, and the One Time It Totally Wasn’t
(Snippets from my Bleach AU feat. Shinigami Shiro and Substitute Shinigami Keith)

Teen (13+)
Chapters: 6
Words: 0

Story Notes:

This whole series is very slow-going but it’s… well… going. Anyway! Here’s the fluffy filler arc of the series! I planned to post this all in one go after I finished it, but I’m being lazy, so I’ll just… leave this here… post them up as I go. 😛

Speaking is Not Communication

Chapter 1


“How are you still pining over your own boyfriend?”

Chapter Notes:

First up, here’s Gay Disaster Pining Shiro, making his friend Matt realize that his fake boyfriend is The Ideal Man.

“Keith is amazing.”

Matt took his eyes off the screen of his laptop to look at his friend. Shiro was looking down at his packed lunch like it was God’s greatest miracle.

Matt heaved a long-suffering sigh. “Dude.”

Shiro blinked at him, chewing slowly to savor the taste of the lunch Keith had (lovingly, if you were to ask anyone except Keith himself) prepared for him.

“How are you still pining over your own boyfriend?” Matt said with a shake of his head. He continued typing. “You’re already dating. You’re literally together 24/7. You live in his closet. Which, you know, I still don’t know how to feel about. It’s weird. Cute, but weird- Also logistically impossible, but after my sister and her friends grew superpowers I’ve stopped worrying too much about science… so. The point. Uh. What was I saying? I had a point going in, right? Keith? You’re pining over Keith?”

Shiro watched his friend type for a few more seconds, and when it became apparent that he had lost Matt to whatever homework or research the guy was doing on his laptop, he finally said, “I’m not pining.”

Matt snorted. “Shirogane, I am 98% focused on this code Pidge wrote for Rover 3.0 and can’t be bothered to look at you but I can still tell you don’t believe what you said just now.”

“I’m not! I was just- I just complimented Keith, that’s all.”

“Mm, okay. Just a strictly platonic compliment about the guy you’re fake dating, yep, sure , Shiro.”

“Don’t do that.” Shiro sighed. “I was just appreciating the food, really .”

“Uh-huh.” then Matt looked at him. “Oh hey, that anniversary dinner thing you two were obsessing about. That was last night, right? How did it go?”

Shiro blinked once at the sudden change of topic before smiling. “It went really well, actually. Everything went according to plan.”



((Over the past week, Keith had dragged Shiro in a quest to prepare the perfect surprise homemade dinner for his uncles’ anniversary. Apparently, Thace and Ulaz hadn’t had time to make any plans to go out, simply mentioning that they’ll stay in and perhaps watch a movie. Thus, Keith had taken the matter into his own hands and came up with the surprise dinner. It wasn’t often he did things like this, but apparently he wanted something special for his uncles because they’ve both been very busy and often came home tired recently.))

((As with everything else he did, Keith approached the plan with fierce single-minded determination. Shiro, being the cheerleading fake-boyfriend he was, supported him wholeheartedly. Keith asked Hunk for recipes and cooking advice while Shiro scrolled through ‘romantic dinner at home’ search results in Pinterest. Their friends bore witness to a week of the two debating food choices and table cloth colors and whether or not to go with scented candles.))



“Including the wine?” Matt asked.

Shiro chuckled. “Yes, including the wine.”



((“SHIRO!” Keith yelled as he chased down a Hollow that popped up on the freakin’ school rooftop, of all places. Matt had been there, and turned to look for Shiro because Keith’s voice sounded so terrified and urgent – did something happen to Shiro?))

((Shiro was sitting on his corner, practicing napkin folding from a video playing on Keith’s phone in front of him. He looked up. “Yes?”))

((“We haven’t thought about the wine!” ))

((“Oh! The wine, of course!”))

((And then Shiro was googling wine recommendations.))

((Keith hacked at their newest monster-of-the-day like it was some minor annoyance in comparison to romantic dinner-planning details.))



“Sounds great. How did the uncles react? I bet they loved it.”

“They did!” Shiro said with a fond chuckle. “They really did, actually. They looked very happy about everything. Keith was relieved. They invited us to join them, but we just said we already had dinner. We didn’t want to intrude.”



((It was all worth it, in the end. Thace and Ulaz were delighted (and a bit teary-eyed) when they went home to a candlelit table with dinner for two, a nephew who was smiling sheepishly, and said nephew’s boyfriend who congratulated them on their anniversary.))

((Keith was smothered in hugs for all of five minutes before he was able to squirm his way out of the two men’s arms and quickly escape with Shiro, claiming that they’ll just get some air outside, effectively leaving his uncles with the house to themselves.))



“And then…?” Matt prompted, grinning.

Shiro looked at him cluelessly. “And then… what? The dinner went well.”

“I know, you said that. You and Keith left the uncles alone. That means you and Keith were alone too. So…? You had the rest of the night to yourselves…” Matt trailed off, then waggled his eyebrows.

“That’s… right.” Shiro said, brows furrowing in confusion as Matt continued to waggle his eyebrows. “So we went on night patrol.”

Matt stopped. “Wha- Night patrol?”

“We patrol around town every night. Watching out for Hollows and doing some soul burials on stray spirits. I thought you knew?” Shiro asked, genuinely confused.

“Yes. I knew.” Matt grumbled. “Of course. Nothing more romantic than jumping around town fighting spirit monsters and giving ghosts pep talks.”

“Night patrol is not supposed to be romantic. It’s… our job.” Shiro said, then chewed thoughtfully on his food again. “And we’re not actually dating.”

Matt shook his head and sighed. “Wait, where is he, anyway? And Katie? We’re already halfway through lunchbreak. Are they out fighting Hollows?”

“…No. I would know if they were.” Shiro said, but took out his phone to check. No new messages. Keith and Pidge usually got to the rooftop before Matt and Shiro did. Hunk and Lance joined them sometimes, but that day the two were eating lunch with Lance’s other friends.

“Hang on. Katie’s online.” Matt said, hands flying over his keyboard again. “She has my lunch, man. I’m hungry, and you showing off your boyfriend’s homemade lunch isn’t helping.”

Shiro was about to offer to share his lunch, but he was cut off when Matt turned to look at him sharply, eyes wide.


“Someone’s trying to steal your fake boyfriend.” Matt blurted out.


Matt squinted at his laptop screen again. “Apparently Katie is stuck watching Keith being asked out by this girl on their class? Keith won’t let her leave because he – I quote – ‘doesn’t know how to person’ .”

Matt tried to ignore it when he heard something that sounded suspiciously like chopsticks being crushed in someone’s hand, because a new message just popped up on his screen.

“Katie says the girl is persuasive, apparently she’s had a crush on Keith since first year when he… helped her carry stuff to the teacher’s office… one time.” Matt groaned. “Man, Keith does that all the time though. Helps people? Quietly? Nods when you thank him and then goes away? He’s, like, got that patented. He’s always been this super quiet but nice kid.”

“This girl likes Keith then?” Shiro asked, voice higher than usual.

Matt tried not to grin too smugly. “Yep.”

“Does Keith like her back?”

Finally, Matt caved in and looked at his friend. “Dude. Keith is gay. Gay. Do you know what gay means, do you have gay people in Soul Society? Because that is what you and your fake boyfriend are supposed to be right now according to this fake dating setup you have?”


Taking pity on the poor guy, Matt reached over to pat his back comfortingly. “Okay, buddy – I’m kidding. Katie says Keith is trying to dump the girl so that probably answers your question.”

“…okay. Okay, yeah, you’re right.”

“Aw, don’t worry so much, Shiro.” Matt said, this time with a snigger. “Your baby only has eyes for you.”

Shiro coughed, and would have buried his head in his hands if they weren’t occupied with his lunchbox and two broken chopsticks. “I called him that one time …”

“Well, it was very memorable.” then Matt looked at his messages again when he heard the message alert chime. “There, the poor girl has been rejected. They’re coming up now. You can rest easy. I can finally eat my lunch.”

Matt leaned back and stretched, then folded his laptop closed to wait for his sister and his lunch. When he looked at Shiro, he had to hold back a laugh as he saw the guy use his now broken chopsticks to finish eating the rest of his own lunch.

Shiro looked up at him then. “Does that always happen? People asking Keith out?”

Matt hummed as he thought. “Well… he hangs out with Katie more than me so I don’t know that much, but… yeah, I’ve heard it happen a couple times. Uh, about two other times before, I think? So this is like the third, maybe. To my knowledge. I don’t, like, keep track…”

“Just the third?”

Matt chuckled. Of course, Shiro probably started worrying about competition after what they just heard about. “Yeah, just the third, don’t worry-”

“Why only three? Are you sure there weren’t more?”

Matt stopped short. “Wait, uh, what? More?”

“I mean…” Shiro looked down at his lunch, frowning. “Keith is an amazing person, I thought there would be more people who liked him. Liked him enough to… ask him out…”

Oh. Shiro wasn’t worried about new competition.

Shiro was genuinely wondering why there wasn’t more competition.

Actually, scratch that – Shiro looked offended that there wasn’t more competition.

Because apparently, Keith was very date-able.

But, Matt thought, this was Keith . He’d known the kid since Katie brought him home back in middle school. Keith was… well. He was Keith. Weird ghost kid, who besides the ghost thing was a pretty good friend to his sister, and a pretty nice kid overall. But still. ‘Anger Issues Ghost Kid’ was what most people knew him as.

“Well, sure.” Matt started. “Yeah, I guess Keith is indeed… attractive, if we’re talking looks. He rocks the mullet, at least.”

“He said his hair just grows that way.” Shiro defended, because of course Keith had informed his fake-boyfriend that the mullet is so not a mullet.

“Yeah, yeah.” Matt waved it off. “And, sure, he doesn’t dress so sloppily either…”

Understatement , Matt thought. Keith’s entire wardrobe was made up of skinny jeans, bomber jackets, statement shirts, and boots, and he somehow still managed to rock every single one of his ensembles with minimal effort, while rocking the mullet- Fine . The kid was a fashion icon. Wannabe aesthetic-fashion-Instagram-famous kids hate him.

“I’m not just talking about his looks, Matt-”

Matt nodded. “I know, I know. He’s a good person – cares about his friends, helps the elderly, loves his uncles, respects you if you respect him. Yep. All likeable qualities. He’s also smart but doesn’t show off, plus he’s a good student…”

In fact, now that Matt thought about it, Keith was such a good student and company, he convinced Katie to stay in school. Katie wanted to stop going to school when she got bullied for being the smallest and youngest and smartest in class, but Keith was both a good influence and reliable moral support for her. Enough for her to tough it out until the bullying subsided and she was mostly left alone to enjoy Keith’s and Hunk’s company.

“He’s also talented.” Shiro added.

“Yeah, like, it’s almost freaky how he’s good at everything he does- I mean, he fights, he cooks, he works with engines-”

“He does?”

“He part-times at the repair shop during school breaks.” Matt provided, then continued listing. “He’s good at sports, he can draw decently – I know because I got him to help me and Katie with Rover’s first blueprints – he reads good books, and he wins every video game night-”

Matt stopped. Shiro looked at him blankly.

“What the hell. He’s perfect.” Matt blurted out, looking disturbed.

Because this was Keith . How had he not noticed before how Keith can do anything ?

“Shiro, your fake boyfriend is perfect- Wait. Can he sing?”

Shiro smiled sheepishly. “Yes.”

Matt didn’t know about that. “What? Really?”

“I asked him about the guitar in his room and he said he’s stopped playing it, but Slav convinced him to play. For science, he said. So Keith played. And he sang a little, and it was… his voice was really… nice.”

Matt rubbed his temples. “Let me guess, Keith has the voice of an angel?”

Shiro was quiet for a while before admitting, “Yes.”

“What the hell?!” Matt exclaimed, distraught at these revelations. He’d always known that Katie’s Best Friend Keith Weird Ghost Kid Sometimes Punches People But They Usually Had It Coming Kogane was nice company and had many talents, he never realized that he was pretty much the ideal guy- “I can’t believe it! If I liked dudes, I’d want Keith to be my boyfriend!”

Shiro raised an eyebrow, but quickly nodded. “See?”

“How is it only three people have asked him out?”

Shiro nodded again. “That’s what I was wondering about!”

“Maybe it’s the talking-to-ghosts thing?” Matt continued, wondering. “Or the fighting? He always got into fights because of the talking-to-ghosts thing, but… heck, other people date actual delinquents with terrible personalities, why not the smart and talented perfect boyfriend who just happens to see and talk to ghosts sometimes?”

“Being polite to dead people shouldn’t be a… what do you call it? About deals…?”

“Deal-breaker.” Matt provided.

“Yes, that.”

“Yeah.” Matt agreed, nodding fervently. “I mean, sure, he looks grumpy, and almost always looks like he could kill you, but he’s nice if you’re nice to him. Everyone says he’s short-tempered, but I know he’s not. He listens to me and Katie ramble for hours. And makes sure we’ve eaten! If anything, he’s really thoughtful.”

God. Why is he suddenly stanning Keith.

What even was this new perspective that his best-friend-of-like-maybe-four-months-tops made him re-evaluate?

“He is. Very thoughtful.” Shiro said with a sigh that Matt wanted to claim was a dreamy one, but then the topic of their conversation arrived, and they both quickly shut their mouths, trying not to look too much like two schoolgirls gossiping about the campus heartthrob.

“There he is! Kogane, our resident heartbreaker!” Matt greeted, grinning too widely to look completely innocent. “And my food!”

Pidge snorted. “Of course it’s nice to see you too, Katie. Thanks for bringing my lunch, you’re the best little sister ever!” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm, handing her brother his lunch before plopping across him.

“Aw, she knows exactly what my heart says.” Matt cooed, ruffling his sister’s already unruly hair.

Pidge batted his hand away with an amused grin so she could eat her own lunch.

Keith sat down beside Shiro, as he always did. “Hey.” he said, with that easy smile he’d started to wear fairly recently.

“Hey.” Shiro greeted back, returning the smile with his own. “Thanks for the lunch.”

Keith shrugged. “Don’t mention it. It’s just leftover ingredients from last night. What happened to your chopsticks?”

“Uh… accident.” Shiro lied, lamely. He flinched when Matt inevitably choked, but maintained his smile for Keith. “Um. Thanks for the lunch.”

“You said that already.” Keith said, chuckling lightly as he started eating.

“I did?”


“Oh. Well. Uh- Okay.”

Keith was looking at him weirdly now. “Uh. Okay?” He narrowed his eyes, peering closely at Shiro’s face. “Shiro, are you okay?”

Giving up on his words, Shiro just nodded and then tried to finish the rest of his lunch.

Matt stared for moment before focusing on his meal. He didn’t know what was happening with Keith and Shiro, not really. Well, he got the whole substitute shinigami part. Shiro wasn’t really human, he’s basically a grim reaper, who saved Keith’s life out of the goodness of his heart and passed his powers to Keith, who took over the job while he recovers.

That was, surprisingly, the only part of their relationship that wasn’t vague.

They weren’t dating when all of this started out. Until they decided to fake-date because apparently dating was a convenient excuse to all the sneaking around they do –  but their friends learned about the whole shinigami gig the same day, so they called off the fake-dating because there was no need for the sneaking around part anymore… until someone blurted out to the uncles that Keith and Shiro were dating and the uncles were so happy that ‘Little Keith’ finally found love and Keith didn’t have the heart to tell them it wasn’t true. So now they were fake-dating again… for the sake of Keith’s adorable uncles…

They also keep messing with Lance. Actually, they keep messing with everyone .



((Just last week, as Shiro fussed over a scratch on Keith’s cheek from a fight with a Hollow, Pidge teased them. “Aw, Keith, you shouldn’t worry your boyfriend like that…”))

((Lance added, “Why don’t you kiss it better, Shiro?”))

((Keith only glared his patented Keith Kogane Glare, but instead of telling them off, he exchanged a split-second look with Shiro. He wore the most smug smirk as his friends watched Shiro put a band-aid over the scratch before pressing a quick peck to it.))

((“OH GOD, MY EYES!” Pidge and Lance screamed, like the actual children that they were. Hunk was trying not to squeal.))

((“Shiro, I’m soooo tired.” Keith said, his voice comically monotone. “I don’t think I can walk home.”))

((Shiro was trying not to laugh, but one thing they’ve come to learn about the guy was that he could be as petty as the rest of them, so he scooped Keith up, bridal style, as he dramatically declared, “I got you, my love.”))

((Keith even went as far as wrapping his arms around his fake boyfriend’s neck. “My hero, what would I do without you?”))

((“That is so wrong.” Lance said, watching Shiro start the trek home with a whole entire Keith Kogane cozy in his arms. “Hunk- Oh my God- Dude, are you crying?”))

((“Their petty levels are right up there, huh.” Pidge remarked, both awed and horrified.))

((Matt just sighed.))



Okay, maybe they did deserve being subjected to the horribly-acted cheesy PDA, because them being gossips landed the two in the fake-dating situation in the first place.

Sometimes though, Matt thought that perhaps it wasn’t all fueled by spite.

He looked at them now, lunchboxes set aside, Keith snug against Shiro’s side, head tilted to muffle his yawn against the other’s shoulder. They were mumbling something between the two of them, something that made Keith chuckle and Shiro smile and Keith close his eyes while Shiro ruffled his hair, all of it culminating to Keith sliding down to lay his head on Shiro’s lap as he announced that he was gonna take a quick 5 minute nap.

So their friends were supernatural monster-fighting samurai? Sure. Are they dating? Uhhh… details unclear, ask again later.

He felt Katie nudge his arm. “Are you gonna tell them they’re acting like the cutest sappiest dorks in love, or what?”

Matt snorted. “Naw, they won’t get it.”

Shiro was now playing some kind of puzzle game in Keith’s phone. Keith, who also had the ability to fall asleep literally anywhere and wake up literally anytime, was peacefully napping.

Katie sighed. “Yeah, they won’t.”

Chapter Notes:

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