Five Times Shiro and Keith Insist That Their Fake Relationship is Indeed Fake, and the One Time It Totally Wasn’t
(Snippets from my Bleach AU feat. Shinigami Shiro and Substitute Shinigami Keith)

Teen (13+)
Chapters: 6
Words: 0

Speaking is Not Communication

Chapter 2


Keith and Shiro go on dates and have matching phone charms. Of course they’re not dating.

Chapter Notes:

I’m supposed to work on my original fic but I want this story over before S7. Wish me luck!

Hunk thought it was cute, really. Lance complained, Pidge looked mildly alarmed, and Matt seemed, at best, exasperated , but Hunk thought it was cute.

It, being Keith doing kendo drills.

Okay, the kendo wasn’t new. They all knew that Keith used to practice kendo when he was younger. And now that his shinigami part-time gig’s weapon-of-choice is a giant sword, it was no doubt useful to practice sword drills.

What’s new is Keith going through the drills pressed up against someone , listening intently to their instructions and letting them guide him through the stances.

The word ‘guide’ here doesn’t mean Keith’s instructor was telling him what to do and watching him try to do it. Nope. This is guiding that goes like “Here, let me stand behind you and encircle you in my toned arms and hold your hands in mine and whisper gently into your ear as I teach you how to swing this bamboo sword properly.”

The ‘someone’ here was Shiro. Of course it was. Who else would it be.

“What kind of romcom shit is this.” Hunk heard Lance say. “I did not come here to be tortured, Hunk.”

“No one came here for this, I assure you.” came from Pidge. Hunk saw her brow twitch slightly when Shiro’s hand went to Keith’s waist to correct his posture.

“You know it’s… not as bad as them sparring.” Matt said, trying to see the bright side in the situation because, well, someone should.

The reminder, however, just made both Lance and Pidge shiver, and even Hunk felt a bit embarrassed.

Watching Keith and Shiro sparring a few days prior was a whole other experience, because the pouncing, grunting, heavy breathing, pinning the other to the practice mat, flipping each other over, coupled with the mutual grinning and teasing was too much and everyone else just felt like they were intruding on something, and that led to all of them quietly, meekly excusing themselves from the room.

So yes, however the memory made them feel, Matt was right – watching the two act out a scene from some cheesy romantic movie was not as horrible as the tension-filled sweaty sparring session they all suffered from.

Luckily, that was when the door opened and Coran peered inside. He took one look at the scene and chuckled. “Ah, young love.”

Pidge was the first one to perk up. “Coran! Please tell us you’ve removed whatever poison fog you unleashed in your lab and we can hang out there instead.”

Coran grinned, finger twirling his orange mustache. “This is why you’re my favorite, Number Five! Come on, then, let’s work on that improved Hollow tracker.”

Hunk and Matt stood up, eager. Lance furrowed his brows. “Wait, that ’s what you guys came here for? Why am I here then?”

“Oh, you’re coming with us, Mr. Quincy!” Coran said. “You have the best spiritual control in the group! Well… next to Shiro, but he’s still recovering his abilities so he’s an outlier. That makes you the best!”

Lance beamed, preening at the praise. “You think so?”

“I know so!”

That was enough to get him to his feet and follow the others out. Hunk was the last to leave the room, sparing one last glance to his friends who were totally training and not just flirting with each other.

He coughed. “Hey, uh, guys, we’ll be at the lab, okay?”

Both looked up abruptly, pulled out of their little bubble. Shiro smiled while Keith nodded. “Yeah, sure. Have fun… um… doing science?”

Hunk gave them a thumbs up before closing the door behind him. He walked through the strange halls of Coran’s house-laboratory-office-place, heading for the lab.



((Ever since Shiro introduced them to the man, whom he vaguely referred to as an “associate”, their group of friends had taken to hanging out at Coran’s place after school and even during the weekends.

It was, really, a matter of convenience. As Shiro had promised, Coran was a bit of a mad scientist, and he instantly bonded with “Team Science”.

The man gave Shiro and Keith tips on how to improve Keith’s spiritual senses, then exchanged theories about Pidge and Hunk’s powers, and worked with them plus Matt to test the limits of their newfound abilities. Coran had a special training room that could withstand Keith’s giant blade attacks, Lance’s spirit arrows and Hunk’s new superpowered punches.

The fact that the room was “bigger on the inside” only prompted Pidge, Matt and Hunk to obsess over the science-magic-spirit-stuff that made it work.

Lance always claimed to hate shinigami by principle that he was a quincy, but after tasting Coran’s weird but delicious snacks, and being praised by Coran for his abilities and sweet-talked into helping with their experiments, he eventually conceded that Coran was not bad, for a shinigami.

Lastly, Coran didn’t even bat an eye at a walking and talking stuffed toy. When they brought in Slav, the man only huffed in amusement and said, “Hm. Well, that’s a reasonable solution, if I’ve ever seen one.” So Slav was free to roam around and annoy someone else for a change. Shiro and Keith could only spend so much time around him before they both snapped.))



When Hunk got to the lab, Pidge was already perched by the computers, while Slav was perched on Pidge’s head, both of them studying the data on the monitors. Lance was doing some spirit thing over one of Coran’s prototypes, while the man took notes on how his invention was faring. Matt waved Hunk over to help him tinker with the Hollow tracker they were working on. They were trying to improve the one that Coran had given Shiro to use.

They had been working for about 30 minutes when someone’s phone rang. With everyone distracted, it took Pidge cursing to get their attention.

“Oh, shit – it’s Thace.”

Matt blinked. “Thace is calling you?”

“No, Thace is calling Keith.” Pidge replied. “I have Keith’s phone. I told him I’m gonna try installing the Hollow tracker on it too.”

“Well?” Lance raised an eyebrow. “You’re gonna worry Uncle Wolverine. Just answer it and tell him Keith’s busy with Shiro right now.”

“Do you have a death wish, man?” Matt deadpanned. “Let me remind you, Keith has a giant sword.”

“Okay, maybe just tell him Keith’s not in the room?” Hunk suggested. “We can get him if it’s urgent.”

Pidge finally nodded, tapping the phone to answer the call. “Keith’s phone. Hey, Thace! No, it’s Pidge. Keith’s not in the room right now… uh… yeah, yeah he left his phone here-”

“To charge.” Lance provided.

“-because it’s charging.” Pidge giving Lance a nod. She listened to the other line. “What was that? Our proj- Oh, yeah, our project! It’s going well, yeah. Yep, he’s with Shiro, they’re… uh…” Her eyes swept the room, flailing a hand to ask for help.

Lance shrugged. “Buying snacks?”

“-out buying snacks! I can take your message, if you like, or I’ll tell him to call you back-” A pause. “Oh. Okay. Okay, got it. You’ll send a list? I’ll tell him when he gets back. Yeah- Yeah, Oooh, Shiro can come too? ” Pidge grinned, exchanging a look with the others. “Sure thing. I’ll tell ‘em. Yeah, got it. No problem, Thace. Bye!”

She hung up, then looked at the others. “So we’re supposed to tell Keith to buy some dinner ingredients on his way home. Thace is gonna send a list. Shiro is invited and from the way Thace said it, I’m pretty sure the uncles are already planning the wedding.”

It was nothing new, really. The uncles had been smitten with Shiro from the moment they met the guy.

With that out of the way, they all moved to continue where they left off, back to their own little experiments-

Until Pidge said, “Uh. Guys. Keith’s lockscreen is Shiro.”

“You’re kidding.” Lance said. “I know they’re the opposite of subtle, but that’s- That’s next level, dude.”

Pidge stared him dead in the eye as she flipped the phone to give them a good view of the screen.

It was indeed Shiro, grinning happily as a familiar white cat booped his nose with her paw.

Hunk squeaked. “Aw, it’s Shiro and the princess!”

“It is quite adorable, indeed.” Coran nodded, rubbing his chin. “It seems Princess Allura has already picked a favorite, hm?”

“She’d boop Shiro, but not me?!” Lance whined.

“Lance.” Hunk sighed. “You’re allergic to cats.”



((The first time they met Coran, they also met Allura. She was a beautiful white cat with eyes that seemed to change color everytime someone looked at them. Coran introduced her as “My housemate, Princess Allura.”

“He calls his cat ‘princess’.” Lance snorted.

Coran coughed, eyes narrowed. “I must correct you, my boy. She is NOT my cat. Again, she is my housemate. Princess Allura does not belong to anyone. And I call her ‘princess’ because she is one.”

“Those eyes are not normal cat eyes.” Keith pointed out, blunt as always. “Is she a… real… normal… cat?”

There was a full five seconds of silence before Coran said, “Why, yes, Keith. She’s real enough, alright.”

They chose not to question that, because Princess Allura did not look the least bit pleased with any of them. Except Shiro. She was perfectly comfortable sitting on Shiro’s lap.

But Pidge had another question up her sleeve. “So… Coran, what are you? Are you a shinigami too, like Shiro?”

Another long silence. “I’m a scientist. Just like Allura is a cat.”

And… sure. Okay. Of course he’s a scientist. Of course Allura is a perfectly normal cat.

A couple days later, they saw Allura playing with a group of mice. Not playing with them like they were food, but playing with them like they were friends.

“Oh, those are her pets.”

“Your pet has pets.”

“Princess Allura is not a pet. Don’t let her hear you say that. If you want to live.”


Yep. Perfectly normal.))




“Keith actually took a photo of his fake boyfriend being booped on the nose by a cat and made it his lockscreen.” Matt said. “Unbelievable.”

“You’re just bitter because the princess doesn’t like you.” Pidge pointed out.

“I try to be sweet and give her treats and she never lets me pet her!” Matt mourned. “Then I see her letting Keith scratch her chin? And she boops Shiro’s nose? Unfair.”

“She doesn’t like treats.” Hunk said. “I asked.”


“The princess.”

Coran nodded at this, impressed.

Lance looked dubious. “She answered you?”

“I asked nicely.” Hunk shrugged. “Then she pat my hand. So I took that as a yes. I think she doesn’t like to be… uh… sweet-talked? Because I saw Keith talking to her, like, normally, and she was fine with that.”

“Keith talking to-” Matt squinted, then turned to Pidge. “He talks to ghosts. He talks to cats now, too?”

“Maybe.” Pidge shrugged, staring down at the phone screen – before it blacked out again. “These two are hopeless.”

There was a general noise of agreement among everyone else in the room.

“I think it’s cute.” Hunk volunteered. “That they go on dates and give each other little presents-”

Pidge looked up sharply, and so did the others. “Whoa. Whoa, hold- Hold up, what? They do what? They go on dates? When?

Hunk thought about it. “Uh, they went ice skating together last week… The aquarium too. And that one time they went to that pet cafe?”

They all stared at him.

“They took me to the aquarium place with them.” Slav said. “It was a nice trip. Very informative. You humans have many interesting water friends.”

Matt, Pidge and Lance looked at him, then back at Hunk.

“What?” Hunk blinked. “It’s all on Keith’s Instagram.”

“Keith is on Instagram?!” Matt choked, and Hunk had never seen Lance whip his phone out so fast.

Meanwhile, Pidge was practically shrieking. “Since when?!”

“…you didn’t know?”

“We’re not on Instagram.” Matt said, in behalf of his sister. “Why is Keith on Instagram?”

Lance was swiping rapidly at his phone. “His only followers are Hunk, his uncle, and his uncle’s boyfriend’s gym. And some guy called Regris- wow, this dude’s ripped.”

“I know him, he works on Uncle Mohawk’s gym.” Pidge said, then blinked in realization. “Wait, I remember! Keith made an Instagram because he got roped in by the uncles to follow the gym’s account for some… marketing thing? They needed followers? I thought he abandoned it afterwards.”

“Nope, he posts pretty pictures now and then.” Hunk said. “Like, scenery and buildings and stray cats on sidewalks. And Shiro.”

Matt sidled up beside Lance to look at the pictures.

Shiro cuddling puppies. Shiro meditating. Shiro doing homework. Keith with penguins . Matching ice cream cones. A tiny hippo plushie from the amusement park. Someone’s silhouette against a sunset. The photos had no captions or hashtags, but all of them were geotagged with locations.

Coran hummed. “I must say, our Keith has a good eye for photographs.”

“Helps that Shiro already looks like a model- Oh my God.” Lance stopped, fell silent, face carefully blank before he declared, “Mullet is an Instagram boyfriend.”

Pidge gaped, and dashed to grab the phone and check the photos herself. Hunk chuckled lightly before nodding. “Yeah, Keith is an Instagram boyfriend.”

Lance looked horrified. “What timeline are we in?”

“Oh, and that red lion charm is from Shiro, by the way.” Hunk said, because his friends looked shaken and their faces were the funniest things he’d seen in days.

Pidge lifted Keith’s phone and the three stared at the shiny red plastic robot lion head dangling from the phone case.

“Shiro has the black one. Matchy-matchy.” Hunk added with a smile. “Super cute.”

Lance squinted at his best friend. “How do you know all this?”



((Hunk didn’t expect to come across them that afternoon, really. He was on his way home when he saw Keith and Shiro in front of one of the tiny shops that sold toys, candy and comics in the neighborhood. Keith was talking and Shiro was listening intently.

Then Keith slid a token into the gashapon machine and twisted the latch.

Hunk had to keep himself from laughing out loud when they both leaned down and ended up butting heads in their excitement.

Keith got his toy and as Shiro took his turn, Hunk finally decided to approach them. He  raised a hand and before he could say anything, both Keith and Shiro turned to look right at him.

“Hey, Hunk.” said Shiro.

“Holy-… Did you see me coming?!”

“No, we felt you.” Keith said. “My senses are improving.”

Hunk sighed. “That was scary, man. So what’re you guys up to?”

“Shiro wanted to see how this thing works, so we tried it.” Keith explained, shaking the plastic capsule near his ear. He looked at Shiro and grinned. “You ready?”

Hunk watched as the two opened the capsules at the same time.

“I got the Black Lion.” Keith said, lifting up the charm. “It looks cool.”

“I got Red.” Shiro announced, grinning back. Then he looked at Keith. “It’s your favorite color, right? Do you want it?”

Keith looked at the charm, then at Shiro. “Okay, you have Black, then.”

Then Hunk watched as Keith taught Shiro how to hang it up on his phone. He had begun to think that the two had forgotten him, when Shiro looked at him and asked, “Are you getting one too, Hunk?”

Hunk took a second to think about it before shrugging. “Eh, why not?”

He got Yellow.))



Of course, before Hunk could explain himself, Keith chose to enter the room. He looked fresh from the shower – he and Shiro probably decided to spar again. He had Princess Allura The Totally Real Normal Cat in his arms. He stopped as soon as he saw his friends and Coran all huddled together. Keith narrowed his eyes as he zeroed in on the familiar item in the middle of said huddle.

“Is that my phone?”

Lance, with surprisingly reliable lying skills, blurted out, “We’re testing the new thingy Pidge put in it. It’s not working. Your phone sucks. Like you.” Then he tilted his head and grinned charmingly at the cat cradled in Keith’s arms. “Hello, Princes- ACHOO! ” He sneezed and rubbed his nose. “I’ll just- uh- Sit over there… in the corner…”

“Can cats sigh?” Matt whispered to Hunk, because that was the only way he could describe the cat’s reaction to all that.

“Are you done with my phone?” Keith finally said, extending a hand to take his phone.

“No, but I can pick up next time.” Pidge returned the item without complaint. “Thace called, he’ll send you a list of stuff to buy for dinner. He said to invite Shiro too.”

Keith nodded and began to check his inbox for other unread messages.

“And we all saw your lockscreen.”

At this, Keith looked up at them. His cheeks were pink, but he stood his ground and only raised an eyebrow, practically daring them to say anything . “And?”

Coran saved the day. “It was a very nice photo!”

“Thanks, Coran.” Keith spared a polite smile. “I had a very nice subject.”

Pidge grinned. “Shiro?”

Keith squinted. “Allura. Shiro just… uh… happened to be there.”

Said cat practically preened, gracefully leaning up to nuzzle Keith’s cheek.

“Can cats smirk ?” Matt whispered again, this time to his sister.

“You always do that?” Lance asked from his corner, innocent. “Take pictures of Shiro?”

“Sometimes.” Keith said, not meeting anyone’s eyes, burning holes in his phone.

“Real~ly???” Lance hummed. “Only sometimes?”

There was a chime from Keith’s phone. He read the notification, looked up and glared at Lance.

Then to his surprise, before he can do anything, the cat in his arms raised a paw and tapped at the screen.

Lance looked down when his phone chimed. He cried, “You have exactly 4 followers and you still block me?!”

Pidge and Matt cackled, Hunk covered his laugh with his hand, and Coran nodded again, amused.

Keith smirked as he stroked the cat’s fur. “Thank you, Your Highness.” Said princess purred as she continued daintily playing with the red lion charm on his phone. Coran had told them that she liked shiny things.

After that, their group settled down to finally go back to what they were working on. Shiro came back from his shower, towel still draped on his shoulders, and quickly got pulled in by Coran to help test whatever new gadget he was making.

Hunk smiled guiltily when Keith approached him to settle The Perfectly Ordinary Non-Magical Cat Called Princess Allura down on the table beside him. “I… I kinda slipped and told them you’re on Instagram. I thought they knew? Sorry, Keith.”

Keith shook his head. “It’s fine, no big deal. It’s just a place for photos I like, and no one sees them, anyway. Just you guys and my uncles. And… and it’s not like I’m hiding it. Just from Lance because he’s being an ass.”

“I like the latest pictures.” Hunk said, earnest. “Kinda surprised you and Shiro go out so much.”

“Well, we can’t just binge-watch Sailor Moon all day.” Keith said, sheepish.

Hunk hesitated for a moment, then took a step closer and asked in a whisper, “So… are they like, dates? Like, date dates?”

Keith looked at him, this time actually blushing, before he turned away, shaking his head. “Of course not. We’re just- y’know, hanging out. We got bored at home and Shiro’s never been anywhere , so we thought we’d go… places. It’s for fun. It’s… not… like that.”

Hunk thought of telling him that ‘date’ dates were usually also for fun, but Keith looked ready to bolt, so he decided to let that slide. “Okay. Sure. If you say so.”

Keith nodded this time, then gestured awkwardly to his phone as he stepped away. “I gotta… call Thace back…”

Hunk watched him go, but before he could join the others, Shiro approached him. “Is Keith… okay?”

Hunk tried not to sigh. He just smiled at Shiro. “Yeah, he’s just making a call home. About dinner, probably.”

“Oh.” Shiro smiled at this. “His uncles are very kind. They’ve been inviting me over all the time.”

They heard Matt calling, “Hey, Shiro, come over here, we need you on this one!”

Shiro looked at the others and- did something just explode on that table? “Give me a minute.” he called back, and left his towel and phone down on the table before joining them.

Hunk didn’t mean to look, it was just one of those things you notice – but there it was.

Shiro’s lockscreen was Keith.

Well, it was mostly a stuffed hippo plush, but Keith was there, peering up from behind it.

Hunk thought it was the cutest .

“Oh, boy.” he whispered, now openly staring at the item until the screen lights dimmed and then blacked out. That was when he realized that the princess was also looking curiously at the photo. “It’s like that , though. Don’t you think, Your Highness?”

Princess Allura raised a paw and pat his arm. He took that as a yes.


Chapter Notes:

Keith: “Shiro, lift your hand up- Yeah- A bit higher-”
Shiro: “…like this?”
Keith: “Perfect. Okay, freeze. I’m gonna make it look like you’re holding the sun.”


Keith and Shiro make me cry like daily. This fic is just an excuse to make them do sappy little couple things.

Also yes, Allura is a cat. If you’re familiar with Bleach, you’ll know why. If you’re not, don’t worry, we’ll get to that eventually. For now, I’m enjoying writing her living her best life and getting away with everything.

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